The Fires of Sorrow

Journal Entry-June 25, 2009

"Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice insofar as you share Christ's sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when his glory is revealed...Therefore let those who suffer according to God's will entrust their souls to a faithful Creator while doing good."
1 Peter 4:12-12, 19

"My attitude as a saint to sorrow and difficulty is not to ask that they may be prevented, but to ask that I may preserve the self God created me to be through every fire of sorrow...We say that there ought to be no sorrow, but there is sorrow, and we have to receive ourselves in its fires. Sin and sorrow and suffering are, and it is not for us to say that God has made a mistake in allowing them. Sorrow burns up a great amount of shallowness, but it does not always make a man better. Suffering either gives me my self or it destroys my self. You cannot receive your self in success, you lose your head; you cannot receive your self in monotony, you grouse. The way to find your self is in the fires of sorrow. Why it should be so is another matter, but that it is so is true in the Scriptures and human experience...If you receive your self in the fires of sorrow, God will make you nourishment for other people."
Excerpt from My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers

God has turned my attention to suffering the past two days. It is so easy to wallow in self pity when you are suffering. This passage and excerpt have drawn me back to the purpose for it all. I want to come through these fires of sorrow knowing my Lord better and being nourishment for others. I hope if you are facing any fires of sorrow this week that these words will be nourishment to you as they have been to me.

I have begun some daily strengthening exercises that I will do for the next 6 weeks to build myself back up from the effects of surgery and chemotherapy. As many of you know, physical therapy after surgery or an injury is necessary, but painful. I appreciate your prayers as I labor to be consistent with these exercises over the next few weeks.
We are planning a much needed vacation next week! Please pray with us for rest, relaxation, and safety for us all. I also ask for prayer as we "suffer" through the mental strain of dealing with insurance companies and doctor's offices. We need wisdom as we weigh our treatment options for radiation.
The final lab reports for both surgeries showed that 3 out of the 12 lymph nodes they removed had cancer in them. They are out now, and I move forward to radiation soon. I go back to the doctors on July 9.
Thanks so much for the encouraging cards, phone calls, and prayers! Have a blessed Independence Day with your families!

Home...Again!

Journal Entry-June 17, 2009

I'm thankful that I was able to come home yesterday afternoon and I'm resting and recovering. The surgery went well and the tissue samples will be sent off to be read this week for any signs of further cancer. Even if there are more cancer cells, I will not have any more surgery or chemotherapy. From what I understand, they may just need to adjust my radiation length or location. Thanks so much for all the prayers! A friend of mine sent this quote to me and I wanted to share it with you.

"God is Cheering for You" by Max Lucado

If your God is Mighty enough to ignite the sun, could it be that He is mighty enough to light your path?
God is for you. Not “may be,” not “has been,” not “was,” not “would be,” but “God is!” He is for you. Today. At this hour. At this minute. As you read this sentence. No need to wait in line or come back tomorrow. He is with you. He could not be closer than he is at this second. His loyalty won’t increase if you are better nor lessen if you are worse. He is for you.
God is for you. Turn to the sidelines; that’s God cheering your run. Look past the finish line; that’s God applauding your steps. Listen for him in the bleachers, shouting your name. Too tired to continue? He’ll carry you. Too discouraged to fight? He’s picking you up. God is for you.
God is for you. Had he a calendar, your birthday would be circled. If he drove a car, your name would be on his bumper. If there’s a tree in heaven, he’s carved your name in the bark. We know he has a tattoo, and we know what it says. “I have written your name on my hand,” he declares (Isa. 49:16).
From Let the Journey Begin:God’s Roadmap for New Beginnings©
(J Countryman 2009) Max Lucado

Update on Lab Reports

Journal Entry-June 15, 2009

My final pathology reports came back over the weekend. I had a message to call the doctor's office waiting for me on my voicemail this morning. The tissue samples from my surgery last week were sent off and examined for traces of cancer that may have been missed. Two of my lymph nodes showed signs of cancer. So I will have surgery tomorrow to remove more lymph nodes. I know, without asking, that you will keep us in your prayers as we go through "Round 2" tomorrow. None of this comes as a surprise to God even though it may to us. We are so thankful to have so many praying for us!

Joshua 1:9 "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go."

"Everlasting Arms"

Journal Entry-June 12, 2009

"The eternal God is your dwelling place, and underneath are the Everlasting Arms." Deut. 33:27

"It is good to give thanks to the Lord, to sing praises to your name, O Most High; to declare your steadfast love in the morning, and your faithfulness by night...For you, O Lord, have made me glad by your work; at the works of your hands I sing for joy." Psalm 92:1-2, 4

Surgery is over and I am home! I was able to come home Wednesday afternoon. Dr. Rippon removed what was left of the tumor and feels certain she got clear margins (no cancer cells). The lymph nodes showed no sign of cancer. We will go over the final pathology report with her at my follow-up visit on Tuesday.
Thanks so much to all who have prayed with us on this matter! It was truly an answer to all of our prayers, and I know that you will join with me in praise to the Lord!

Pre-Surgery Thoughts

Journal Entry-June 8, 2009

As I prepare physically, mentally, and spiritually for surgery this week, I find I need to continually look to the Lord. As I read my devotions this week in My Utmost for His Highest, I knew they came on the perfect date as a Word from the Lord to me.

"For He hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee. So that we may boldly say, the Lord is my Helper, and I will not fear..." Hebrews 13:5-6

"What line does my thought take? Does it turn to what God says or to what I fear?..."I will in no wise fail thee"-not for all my sin and selfishness and stubbornness and waywardness. Have I really let God say to me that He will never fail me? If I listened to this say-so of God's, then let me listen again...My say-so must be built on God's say-so. God says, "I will never leave thee" then I can with good courage say-"The Lord is my Helper, I will not fear". I will not be haunted by apprehension. This does not mean that I will not be tempted to fear, but I will remember God's say-so. I will be full of courage, like a child "bucking himself up" to reach the standard his father wants...The only way to get the dread taken out of us is to listen to God's say-so. What are you dreading? You are not a coward about it, you are going to face it, but there is a feeling of dread. When there is nothing and no one to help you, say-"But the Lord is my Helper, this second, in my present outlook." When we realize how feeble we are in facing difficulties, the difficulties become like giants, we become like grasshoppers, and God becomes a nonentity. Remember God's say-so-"I will in no wise fail you."

Showers of Blessing!

Journal Entry-June 4, 2009



"I will send down the showers in their season; they shall be showers of blessing." Ezekiel 34:26



I felt today was an appropriate day to count my "showers of blessings" up to this point in my treatment. Today marks the longest I've gone without chemotherapy since I started! Three weeks and one day! Hopefully my body will soon realize it's over and my side effects will subside. It is a day to celebrate the goodness and grace the Lord has shown me over the past five months. I'm going to literally count my blessings and "name them one by one"! As I read back over each journal entry, I made a list of all the ways the Lord had blessed and met each of our family's needs. Each answered prayer is a shared victory with everyone who has prayed for us and I want you to be able to join with me in praise to the Lord!

1. The Lord answered our prayers for a definite plan to follow in my cancer treatment and he gave us the answer six days earlier than I asked him to!


2. By showing us that chemotherapy was where I needed to start, I was able to save many of my sick days at work that surgery would have used up. We also prayed I would be able to work in between rounds of chemotherapy so I could continue to accrue more days. I was able to do just that, with 2 sick days to spare!


3. The Lord supplied meal, after meal, after meal for us continually through my chemotherapy. Hot meals, frozen meals, restaurant gift cards! We are so thankful to have such a wonderful and giving church family, work family at East North Street Academy, and family members actually related to us!


4. I have had a constant stream of encouraging cards and gifts from so many people, some of whom I've never met. I have kept them all and posted many of the verses from them on my blog. I know that they have been an encouragement to so many others, as well. "So shall my Word be that goes out from my mouth; it shall not return to me empty, but it shall accomplish that which I purpose, and shall succeed in the thing for which I sent it." Isaiah 55:11


5. I am especially thankful for the blessing of a well-made "cranial prosthesis"(wig)!


6. I specifically prayed that I could get one of my medications for nausea through the mail at a significantly reduced price. The prayer was answered, but it was mailed before I could ask for priority shipping to get it here before I needed it on Friday. The lady on the phone said, "I'm sorry, but good luck!". I told her that it wouldn't be luck that would get it there, but prayer! The medicine arrived Thursday afternoon, just in time!


7. We prayed for my red blood cell counts to go up after they took a dive during chemo. #4. On the advice of a friend, I began taking alfalfa tablets and liquid chlorophyll. After only 5 days, my red blood counts were up! I also never ran a fever or had to take antibiotics at any time during my chemotherapy. Even when everyone else in my family ran a fever or had the flu at some point during those months and I was bombarded with germs from my "little ones" at school!


8. I am thankful for the blessing of being able to attend Fine Arts Festivals for both Joey and Anna. They fell perfectly between chemo. treatments!
   
9. We had been praying that a denied insurance claim that we felt was incorrect would be decided in our favor. It was finally paid correctly, saving us money.
10. What a blessing your prayers for me have been! As people have commented with surprise that I was still able to continue to work, I was able to give repeated testimony of the power of prayer! As you lifted me up in prayer, it encouraged me to pray for others. I started with a prayer list of less than ten people with needs related to cancer. I now have almost 30 names of friends, family members, church members, or people I have met at the Cancer Center during treatments. I have had opportunities to pray for others that I would normally have never met at all were it not for my cancer. This includes the mother of one of my students, Sofia, who died of liver cancer in April, after only knowing about it for less than a month. Pray for Sofia and her dad, Joel, as they move to Spartanburg for him to enroll in a Bible Institute to train to be a pastor. Also, pray for Kaylee, the 3 month old daughter of one of my students, who was born with liver cancer. She has already gone through chemotherapy at one month of age, but is recovering and growing stronger. Philippians 4:6 "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God."


11. Another blessing was a good report on my EKG and CT heart scan in April. I had been having shortness of breath and chest tightness, but both reports were great. My heart showed that it was even slightly stronger now than before chemotherapy!


12. One of the biggest blessings was the MRI report that showed my tumor had shrunk to one-eighth its original size! As Pastor Barney said during his sermon last Sunday morning, God will never give us a stone when we ask for bread. Although sometimes it may feel like a stone, and chemotherapy certainly did at times! But it is just what God knows you need for your spiritual encouragement and growth. God always gives us the best!


13. I am very blessed to have been married to Joe for twenty wonderful years this May! Along with that blessing, God has given us Joey and Anna!


14. Finally, I am thankful to be one third of the way through my cancer treatments! Although I feel like I'm way over half the way done with chemotherapy behind me. I'm "pressing on" to next Wednesday and radiation to follow, where I'm confident that there will be many more "showers of blessing" to come!