Journal Entry-July 23, 2009
"Come lay your heavy load down at the Master's feet; Your shame will be removed, your joy will be complete. Come crucify your pride, and enter as a child; for those who bow down low He'll lift up to His side. What joy, what peace has come to us! What hope, what help, what love!"
Taken from "When Love Came Down" by Stuart Townsend (from Christ Only, Always by the Galkin Evangelistic Team
How difficult it is for me to "crucify" my pride and to "enter as a child"! But when we do...what joy, what peace, what hope, what help, and what love! I began this week being reminded by this song of all that's available to us through Christ, especially when all else seems to be falling apart! The doctor's office called early Monday morning to tell me I needed to come in and be marked again for radiation on a different board. This also meant the delay of my radiation for one more day. I was flying around trying to get out the door, get the kids to my mom, and get by BJ to get a few of Joey's textbooks for school that were on sale. And at the same time trying to focus on God's grace in times of craziness! I sat down to check my email while I waited at the Cancer Center and decide I would look online and see if I won the birthday prize on WMUU. I did!! Joe and I will enjoy the dinner and dessert out at Chick-fil-a! It was a blessing in the midst of a busy birthday!
I had my first physical therapy session on Monday. I have some swelling in my arm, so I'm being fitted next week for a compression sleeve. I will wear it while exercising or when I see it start to swell from overuse. My range of motion in my left arm was really below normal. I continue to have quite a bit of pain when I use it. I also have "cording" of the lymph vessels since they are no longer carrying fluid to my arm. She gave me a packet of range of motion exercises to do twice every day. They take about 30 minutes and I am very sore after I finish, but I can tell it is improving my range of motion. I'll have to keep them up at this level for several weeks, but as time passes I'll be able to lessen the frequency. She told me that scar tissue and cording can occur up to one year after surgery, so I have to keep them up to ensure I don't lose any use of my arm. When I went back three days later for a follow-up, she was very impressed at the gains in the range of motion of my arm!!
I am starting a cardio and strength training program next week on Mon., Tues., and Thurs., at the Life Center. I am looking forward to building up my strength over the next few weeks that I have left of my summer break. My fatigue level is very high and I need a "boost" before the new school year starts.
I have had three radiation treatments so far. The actual time of radiation on each of the three spots is between 20 and 30 seconds. I have had no side effects so far. I am having side effects of the Herceptin treatment I had two weeks ago. I am very fatigued and I am having some heartburn and stomach pains. This is discouraging because I haven't had any heartburn since chemotherapy ended. I'm also having very blurry vision. It feels like I'm walking around without my glasses on. If you wear glasses you can imagine how frustrating this is! I'm also getting headaches, either from the blurry vision or from the Herceptin. I'd appreciate your prayers concerning these side effects. I really need to be able to continue this treatment, so I'm praying the side effects will become tolerable.
On the subject of hair...I now have some!! At first it looked almost black, but now it's a dark brown color. It is hard to tell the color or if it's curly right now, but I'm enjoying it! It is growing in very quickly and is soft as baby hair. It startles me when I look in the mirror! The down side: I've had to start shaving my legs again! Oh well...it's worth it!
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Saturday, July 11, 2009
"All in All"
"I hear the Savior say, "Thy strength indeed in small, child of weakness watch and pray, find in Me thine all in all." Jesus paid it all, all to Him I owe; sin had left a crimson stain, He washed it white as snow."
I'm feeling lately that my strength (spiritually and physically) is small indeed! Praise the Lord that we can find our "all in all" in Christ's complete work on the Cross.
We are back from a vacation to Dreher Island on Lake Murray. We stayed in the Villas at the State Park. It was quiet and our view of the lake was beautiful and relaxing. We were able to go out on the lake with my parents for a few days. Joey got his first lesson on driving the pontoon boat! He did a great job! We also got to spend a day on the lake with a dear friend and her family that live in Prosperity. Our kids are very close in age and they had a wonderful time together swimming, tubing, and knee boarding! It was a perfect break from all the activity of normal life!
I had three doctor's appointments this week. I was able to discuss pathology reports from surgery with my oncologist, Dr. Gococo. He was pleased that the tumor was basically non-existent and that the lymph node dissection had removed the nodes with cancer. My cancer was hormone receptor and Her2 positive. This basically means that the estrogen, progesterone, and Her2 cells in my body were all feeding the cancer and making it larger. So now I will have two preventative treatments that will block these hormones from feeding any remaining cancer cells. One will be the drug, Tamoxifen, daily for 5 years. The other is Herceptin, a drug administered every three weeks through an IV for one year. It should take about 1 and a half hours to administer and should have little lasting side-effects. I begin on Tuesday, July 14. We met with the radiation oncologist and I am ready to begin. They had some trouble with scheduling, so for right now I'm set to start on July 20 (my birthday!) instead on July 13th.
I do have a big praise concerning radiation. We were looking at the possibility of having to go to Spartanburg or Anderson for my radiation because of insurance complications. We prayed for the Lord to intervene so that I could keep the doctor I already had and be able to receive treatment in Greenville at no additional cost. When we got back from vacation we found out that they had worked out the problems and I could stay with my doctor here in Greenville with no additional costs! Praise the Lord!
I am continuing to do my strengthening exercises and have started walking several times a week, as well. Dr. Go and Dr. Rippon feel that it is just going to take awhile to build my strength back up from chemotherapy and surgery. My left arm is weak and the pain is making me favor it and use my right arm more. I have occasional tendonitis in my right arm and it is starting to hurt from the over use! So I have to get my left arm stronger or I'm going to have both arms hurting! I have been referred for physical therapy and an oncological rehabilitation program. I am waiting to hear if insurance will pay for these opportunities.
As I transition from surgery to radiation I've been reflecting on the outcome of the treatments so far. I don't think the chemotherapy or the surgery could have been any more successful than they were. So after radiation they will monitor my progress with blood work and scans along with just trying to be aware of any unusual symptoms I might have that would cause concern. I find myself wanting there to be a simple test that will tell immediately "Yes,you have more cancer" or "No, you're cancer free!". Unfortunately there is no such test! Joe reminded me that this is just where you have to keep trusting the Lord and believing that He will lead you and care for you like He always has.
Deuteronomy 1:30-33
"The Lord your God who goes before you will himself fight for you, just as he did for you in Egypt before your eyes, and in the wilderness, where you have seen how the Lord your God carried you, as a man carries his son, all the way that you went until you came to this place. Yet in spite of this word you did not believe the Lord your God, who went before you in the way to seek you out a place to pitch your tents, in fire by night and in the cloud by day, to show you by what way you should go."
Truly the Lord has fought for me and I have seen it right before my eyes. In my wilderness I have felt the Lord carry me all the way to this place I am today. I will believe the Lord, my God, who seeks out a place for me and shows me the way I should go.
I'm feeling lately that my strength (spiritually and physically) is small indeed! Praise the Lord that we can find our "all in all" in Christ's complete work on the Cross.
We are back from a vacation to Dreher Island on Lake Murray. We stayed in the Villas at the State Park. It was quiet and our view of the lake was beautiful and relaxing. We were able to go out on the lake with my parents for a few days. Joey got his first lesson on driving the pontoon boat! He did a great job! We also got to spend a day on the lake with a dear friend and her family that live in Prosperity. Our kids are very close in age and they had a wonderful time together swimming, tubing, and knee boarding! It was a perfect break from all the activity of normal life!
I had three doctor's appointments this week. I was able to discuss pathology reports from surgery with my oncologist, Dr. Gococo. He was pleased that the tumor was basically non-existent and that the lymph node dissection had removed the nodes with cancer. My cancer was hormone receptor and Her2 positive. This basically means that the estrogen, progesterone, and Her2 cells in my body were all feeding the cancer and making it larger. So now I will have two preventative treatments that will block these hormones from feeding any remaining cancer cells. One will be the drug, Tamoxifen, daily for 5 years. The other is Herceptin, a drug administered every three weeks through an IV for one year. It should take about 1 and a half hours to administer and should have little lasting side-effects. I begin on Tuesday, July 14. We met with the radiation oncologist and I am ready to begin. They had some trouble with scheduling, so for right now I'm set to start on July 20 (my birthday!) instead on July 13th.
I do have a big praise concerning radiation. We were looking at the possibility of having to go to Spartanburg or Anderson for my radiation because of insurance complications. We prayed for the Lord to intervene so that I could keep the doctor I already had and be able to receive treatment in Greenville at no additional cost. When we got back from vacation we found out that they had worked out the problems and I could stay with my doctor here in Greenville with no additional costs! Praise the Lord!
I am continuing to do my strengthening exercises and have started walking several times a week, as well. Dr. Go and Dr. Rippon feel that it is just going to take awhile to build my strength back up from chemotherapy and surgery. My left arm is weak and the pain is making me favor it and use my right arm more. I have occasional tendonitis in my right arm and it is starting to hurt from the over use! So I have to get my left arm stronger or I'm going to have both arms hurting! I have been referred for physical therapy and an oncological rehabilitation program. I am waiting to hear if insurance will pay for these opportunities.
As I transition from surgery to radiation I've been reflecting on the outcome of the treatments so far. I don't think the chemotherapy or the surgery could have been any more successful than they were. So after radiation they will monitor my progress with blood work and scans along with just trying to be aware of any unusual symptoms I might have that would cause concern. I find myself wanting there to be a simple test that will tell immediately "Yes,you have more cancer" or "No, you're cancer free!". Unfortunately there is no such test! Joe reminded me that this is just where you have to keep trusting the Lord and believing that He will lead you and care for you like He always has.
Deuteronomy 1:30-33
"The Lord your God who goes before you will himself fight for you, just as he did for you in Egypt before your eyes, and in the wilderness, where you have seen how the Lord your God carried you, as a man carries his son, all the way that you went until you came to this place. Yet in spite of this word you did not believe the Lord your God, who went before you in the way to seek you out a place to pitch your tents, in fire by night and in the cloud by day, to show you by what way you should go."
Truly the Lord has fought for me and I have seen it right before my eyes. In my wilderness I have felt the Lord carry me all the way to this place I am today. I will believe the Lord, my God, who seeks out a place for me and shows me the way I should go.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
The Fires of Sorrow
Journal Entry-June 25, 2009
"Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice insofar as you share Christ's sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when his glory is revealed...Therefore let those who suffer according to God's will entrust their souls to a faithful Creator while doing good."
1 Peter 4:12-12, 19
"My attitude as a saint to sorrow and difficulty is not to ask that they may be prevented, but to ask that I may preserve the self God created me to be through every fire of sorrow...We say that there ought to be no sorrow, but there is sorrow, and we have to receive ourselves in its fires. Sin and sorrow and suffering are, and it is not for us to say that God has made a mistake in allowing them. Sorrow burns up a great amount of shallowness, but it does not always make a man better. Suffering either gives me my self or it destroys my self. You cannot receive your self in success, you lose your head; you cannot receive your self in monotony, you grouse. The way to find your self is in the fires of sorrow. Why it should be so is another matter, but that it is so is true in the Scriptures and human experience...If you receive your self in the fires of sorrow, God will make you nourishment for other people."
Excerpt from My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers
God has turned my attention to suffering the past two days. It is so easy to wallow in self pity when you are suffering. This passage and excerpt have drawn me back to the purpose for it all. I want to come through these fires of sorrow knowing my Lord better and being nourishment for others. I hope if you are facing any fires of sorrow this week that these words will be nourishment to you as they have been to me.
I have begun some daily strengthening exercises that I will do for the next 6 weeks to build myself back up from the effects of surgery and chemotherapy. As many of you know, physical therapy after surgery or an injury is necessary, but painful. I appreciate your prayers as I labor to be consistent with these exercises over the next few weeks.
We are planning a much needed vacation next week! Please pray with us for rest, relaxation, and safety for us all. I also ask for prayer as we "suffer" through the mental strain of dealing with insurance companies and doctor's offices. We need wisdom as we weigh our treatment options for radiation.
The final lab reports for both surgeries showed that 3 out of the 12 lymph nodes they removed had cancer in them. They are out now, and I move forward to radiation soon. I go back to the doctors on July 9.
Thanks so much for the encouraging cards, phone calls, and prayers! Have a blessed Independence Day with your families!
"Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice insofar as you share Christ's sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when his glory is revealed...Therefore let those who suffer according to God's will entrust their souls to a faithful Creator while doing good."
1 Peter 4:12-12, 19
"My attitude as a saint to sorrow and difficulty is not to ask that they may be prevented, but to ask that I may preserve the self God created me to be through every fire of sorrow...We say that there ought to be no sorrow, but there is sorrow, and we have to receive ourselves in its fires. Sin and sorrow and suffering are, and it is not for us to say that God has made a mistake in allowing them. Sorrow burns up a great amount of shallowness, but it does not always make a man better. Suffering either gives me my self or it destroys my self. You cannot receive your self in success, you lose your head; you cannot receive your self in monotony, you grouse. The way to find your self is in the fires of sorrow. Why it should be so is another matter, but that it is so is true in the Scriptures and human experience...If you receive your self in the fires of sorrow, God will make you nourishment for other people."
Excerpt from My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers
God has turned my attention to suffering the past two days. It is so easy to wallow in self pity when you are suffering. This passage and excerpt have drawn me back to the purpose for it all. I want to come through these fires of sorrow knowing my Lord better and being nourishment for others. I hope if you are facing any fires of sorrow this week that these words will be nourishment to you as they have been to me.
I have begun some daily strengthening exercises that I will do for the next 6 weeks to build myself back up from the effects of surgery and chemotherapy. As many of you know, physical therapy after surgery or an injury is necessary, but painful. I appreciate your prayers as I labor to be consistent with these exercises over the next few weeks.
We are planning a much needed vacation next week! Please pray with us for rest, relaxation, and safety for us all. I also ask for prayer as we "suffer" through the mental strain of dealing with insurance companies and doctor's offices. We need wisdom as we weigh our treatment options for radiation.
The final lab reports for both surgeries showed that 3 out of the 12 lymph nodes they removed had cancer in them. They are out now, and I move forward to radiation soon. I go back to the doctors on July 9.
Thanks so much for the encouraging cards, phone calls, and prayers! Have a blessed Independence Day with your families!
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Home...Again!
Journal Entry-June 17, 2009
I'm thankful that I was able to come home yesterday afternoon and I'm resting and recovering. The surgery went well and the tissue samples will be sent off to be read this week for any signs of further cancer. Even if there are more cancer cells, I will not have any more surgery or chemotherapy. From what I understand, they may just need to adjust my radiation length or location. Thanks so much for all the prayers! A friend of mine sent this quote to me and I wanted to share it with you.
"God is Cheering for You" by Max Lucado
If your God is Mighty enough to ignite the sun, could it be that He is mighty enough to light your path?
God is for you. Not “may be,” not “has been,” not “was,” not “would be,” but “God is!” He is for you. Today. At this hour. At this minute. As you read this sentence. No need to wait in line or come back tomorrow. He is with you. He could not be closer than he is at this second. His loyalty won’t increase if you are better nor lessen if you are worse. He is for you.
God is for you. Turn to the sidelines; that’s God cheering your run. Look past the finish line; that’s God applauding your steps. Listen for him in the bleachers, shouting your name. Too tired to continue? He’ll carry you. Too discouraged to fight? He’s picking you up. God is for you.
God is for you. Had he a calendar, your birthday would be circled. If he drove a car, your name would be on his bumper. If there’s a tree in heaven, he’s carved your name in the bark. We know he has a tattoo, and we know what it says. “I have written your name on my hand,” he declares (Isa. 49:16).
From Let the Journey Begin:God’s Roadmap for New Beginnings©
(J Countryman 2009) Max Lucado
I'm thankful that I was able to come home yesterday afternoon and I'm resting and recovering. The surgery went well and the tissue samples will be sent off to be read this week for any signs of further cancer. Even if there are more cancer cells, I will not have any more surgery or chemotherapy. From what I understand, they may just need to adjust my radiation length or location. Thanks so much for all the prayers! A friend of mine sent this quote to me and I wanted to share it with you.
"God is Cheering for You" by Max Lucado
If your God is Mighty enough to ignite the sun, could it be that He is mighty enough to light your path?
God is for you. Not “may be,” not “has been,” not “was,” not “would be,” but “God is!” He is for you. Today. At this hour. At this minute. As you read this sentence. No need to wait in line or come back tomorrow. He is with you. He could not be closer than he is at this second. His loyalty won’t increase if you are better nor lessen if you are worse. He is for you.
God is for you. Turn to the sidelines; that’s God cheering your run. Look past the finish line; that’s God applauding your steps. Listen for him in the bleachers, shouting your name. Too tired to continue? He’ll carry you. Too discouraged to fight? He’s picking you up. God is for you.
God is for you. Had he a calendar, your birthday would be circled. If he drove a car, your name would be on his bumper. If there’s a tree in heaven, he’s carved your name in the bark. We know he has a tattoo, and we know what it says. “I have written your name on my hand,” he declares (Isa. 49:16).
From Let the Journey Begin:God’s Roadmap for New Beginnings©
(J Countryman 2009) Max Lucado
Monday, June 15, 2009
Update on Lab Reports
Journal Entry-June 15, 2009
My final pathology reports came back over the weekend. I had a message to call the doctor's office waiting for me on my voicemail this morning. The tissue samples from my surgery last week were sent off and examined for traces of cancer that may have been missed. Two of my lymph nodes showed signs of cancer. So I will have surgery tomorrow to remove more lymph nodes. I know, without asking, that you will keep us in your prayers as we go through "Round 2" tomorrow. None of this comes as a surprise to God even though it may to us. We are so thankful to have so many praying for us!
Joshua 1:9 "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go."
My final pathology reports came back over the weekend. I had a message to call the doctor's office waiting for me on my voicemail this morning. The tissue samples from my surgery last week were sent off and examined for traces of cancer that may have been missed. Two of my lymph nodes showed signs of cancer. So I will have surgery tomorrow to remove more lymph nodes. I know, without asking, that you will keep us in your prayers as we go through "Round 2" tomorrow. None of this comes as a surprise to God even though it may to us. We are so thankful to have so many praying for us!
Joshua 1:9 "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go."
Friday, June 12, 2009
"Everlasting Arms"
Journal Entry-June 12, 2009
"The eternal God is your dwelling place, and underneath are the Everlasting Arms." Deut. 33:27
"It is good to give thanks to the Lord, to sing praises to your name, O Most High; to declare your steadfast love in the morning, and your faithfulness by night...For you, O Lord, have made me glad by your work; at the works of your hands I sing for joy." Psalm 92:1-2, 4
Surgery is over and I am home! I was able to come home Wednesday afternoon. Dr. Rippon removed what was left of the tumor and feels certain she got clear margins (no cancer cells). The lymph nodes showed no sign of cancer. We will go over the final pathology report with her at my follow-up visit on Tuesday.
Thanks so much to all who have prayed with us on this matter! It was truly an answer to all of our prayers, and I know that you will join with me in praise to the Lord!
"The eternal God is your dwelling place, and underneath are the Everlasting Arms." Deut. 33:27
"It is good to give thanks to the Lord, to sing praises to your name, O Most High; to declare your steadfast love in the morning, and your faithfulness by night...For you, O Lord, have made me glad by your work; at the works of your hands I sing for joy." Psalm 92:1-2, 4
Surgery is over and I am home! I was able to come home Wednesday afternoon. Dr. Rippon removed what was left of the tumor and feels certain she got clear margins (no cancer cells). The lymph nodes showed no sign of cancer. We will go over the final pathology report with her at my follow-up visit on Tuesday.
Thanks so much to all who have prayed with us on this matter! It was truly an answer to all of our prayers, and I know that you will join with me in praise to the Lord!
Monday, June 8, 2009
Pre-Surgery Thoughts
Journal Entry-June 8, 2009
As I prepare physically, mentally, and spiritually for surgery this week, I find I need to continually look to the Lord. As I read my devotions this week in My Utmost for His Highest, I knew they came on the perfect date as a Word from the Lord to me.
"For He hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee. So that we may boldly say, the Lord is my Helper, and I will not fear..." Hebrews 13:5-6
"What line does my thought take? Does it turn to what God says or to what I fear?..."I will in no wise fail thee"-not for all my sin and selfishness and stubbornness and waywardness. Have I really let God say to me that He will never fail me? If I listened to this say-so of God's, then let me listen again...My say-so must be built on God's say-so. God says, "I will never leave thee" then I can with good courage say-"The Lord is my Helper, I will not fear". I will not be haunted by apprehension. This does not mean that I will not be tempted to fear, but I will remember God's say-so. I will be full of courage, like a child "bucking himself up" to reach the standard his father wants...The only way to get the dread taken out of us is to listen to God's say-so. What are you dreading? You are not a coward about it, you are going to face it, but there is a feeling of dread. When there is nothing and no one to help you, say-"But the Lord is my Helper, this second, in my present outlook." When we realize how feeble we are in facing difficulties, the difficulties become like giants, we become like grasshoppers, and God becomes a nonentity. Remember God's say-so-"I will in no wise fail you."
As I prepare physically, mentally, and spiritually for surgery this week, I find I need to continually look to the Lord. As I read my devotions this week in My Utmost for His Highest, I knew they came on the perfect date as a Word from the Lord to me.
"For He hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee. So that we may boldly say, the Lord is my Helper, and I will not fear..." Hebrews 13:5-6
"What line does my thought take? Does it turn to what God says or to what I fear?..."I will in no wise fail thee"-not for all my sin and selfishness and stubbornness and waywardness. Have I really let God say to me that He will never fail me? If I listened to this say-so of God's, then let me listen again...My say-so must be built on God's say-so. God says, "I will never leave thee" then I can with good courage say-"The Lord is my Helper, I will not fear". I will not be haunted by apprehension. This does not mean that I will not be tempted to fear, but I will remember God's say-so. I will be full of courage, like a child "bucking himself up" to reach the standard his father wants...The only way to get the dread taken out of us is to listen to God's say-so. What are you dreading? You are not a coward about it, you are going to face it, but there is a feeling of dread. When there is nothing and no one to help you, say-"But the Lord is my Helper, this second, in my present outlook." When we realize how feeble we are in facing difficulties, the difficulties become like giants, we become like grasshoppers, and God becomes a nonentity. Remember God's say-so-"I will in no wise fail you."
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