Journal Entry-August 2, 2010
"What we call the process, God calls the end. What is my dream of God's purpose? His purpose is that I depend on Him and on His power now. If I can stay in the middle of the turmoil calm and unperplexed, that is the end of the purpose of God. God is not working towards a particular finish; His end is the process-that I see Him walking on the waves, no shore in sight, no success, no goal, just the absolute certainty that it is all right because I see Him walking on the sea. It is the process, not the end, which is glorifying to God...God's end is to enable me to see that He can walk on the chaos of my life just now. If we have a further end in view, we do not pay sufficient attention to the immediate present: if we realize that obedience is the end, then each moment as it comes is precious." Oswald Chambers
The end of summer lies just around the bend and the last minute "rush" is on to try and finish all the "projects" I planned to accomplish this summer. My relaxing days of reading a book just for fun are over as long range math plans, buying school clothes and textbooks, and ideas for setting up my classroom occupy my thoughts. I am very goal oriented and the reaching the end of these goals is what motivates me. But God sees it differently. To him, the process to those goals is the end. My seeing Him walk on the chaos of my life should be my only goal!
I have completed 3 out of 7 Herceptin treatments. This week I've really felt drained after the treatment. The first 48 hours after the treatment are not very enjoyable. The next Herceptin will be the afternoon of my first day of school with my new class, September 16.
We are back from vacation and trying to enjoy these last days of freedom! Joey left for camp with over 70 kids from Hampton Park today. He will be at Appalachian Bible Camp enjoying God's creation through adventure recreation. I know he will have a tremendous time and we are praying for the Lord to speak to all of the youth through the activities of the week.
I am also preparing to be a mentor to a new 4K teacher, Amanda Graves. This is her first classroom job and she is looking forward to these little ones! It will be a great year for both of us with her youth and creativity! I am also beginning a new part time job as a Kindergarten trainer for the "Math Out of the Box" curriculum developed by Clemson University. I will be flying to Indiana on August 31 to teach a one day training session on Sept. 1. I would appreciate your prayers as I fly on those two days. There is an increased risk of swelling with air travel and I'm trusting my lymphedema will not worsen. Also I would ask that you pray as I seek help from some national cancer foundations in getting a lymphedema pump. My insurance will not cover the cost and I am praying that the Lord will lead me to an organization that can purchase this machine for me. It would help me manage my lymphedema at home and not have to rely on physical therapy. It would hopefully prevent the need for any more bandaging. I've had some type of compression on my left arm around the clock for 2 months! When I did a demo with this machine, it worked great, so thanks for joining me as I pray for this need to be met.
Thanks for all of you who are praying for me as I finish these Herceptin treatments and begin a new school year!
Monday, August 2, 2010
Saturday, June 19, 2010
Recognizing Jesus
Journal Entry-June 19, 2010
'And Peter...walked on the water to go to Jesus. But when he saw the wind boisterous, he was afraid." Matthew 14:29-30
"The wind was actually boisterous, the waves were actually high, but Peter did not see them at first. He did not reckon with them, he simply recognized his Lord and stepped out in recognition of Him, and walked on water. Then he began to reckon with the actual things, and down he went instantly. Why could not our Lord have enabled him to walk at the bottom of the waves as well as on the top of them? Neither could be done saving by recognition of the Lord Jesus.
We step right out on God over some things, then self-consideration enters in and down we go. If you are recognizing your Lord, you have no business with where He engineers your circumstances. The actual things are, but immediately you look at them you are overwhelmed, you cannot recognize Jesus, and the rebuke comes: "Wherefore didst thou doubt?" Let the actual circumstances be what they may, keep recognizing Jesus, maintain complete reliance on Him." From My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers
What are your circumstances today or this week? My circumstances have revolved around trying to cope with a bound up left arm due to lymphedema swelling! The bandages are very tight and sometimes painful. I was hoping to only have to do it for one week, but I'm still in them-24/7-and will have to go to PT for the next few weeks. No doubt there are many of you that have little to complain about right now in life and just as many, if not more, who's circumstances have led you down difficult paths this week. I know my heart is heavy with the burden of prayer, particularly for those in our church family that are struggling through cancer treatments right now.
But isn't it great to know that no matter what the current circumstances of our lives, as long as we recognize Jesus in them, we can "walk on water" and rise above them!
'And Peter...walked on the water to go to Jesus. But when he saw the wind boisterous, he was afraid." Matthew 14:29-30
"The wind was actually boisterous, the waves were actually high, but Peter did not see them at first. He did not reckon with them, he simply recognized his Lord and stepped out in recognition of Him, and walked on water. Then he began to reckon with the actual things, and down he went instantly. Why could not our Lord have enabled him to walk at the bottom of the waves as well as on the top of them? Neither could be done saving by recognition of the Lord Jesus.
We step right out on God over some things, then self-consideration enters in and down we go. If you are recognizing your Lord, you have no business with where He engineers your circumstances. The actual things are, but immediately you look at them you are overwhelmed, you cannot recognize Jesus, and the rebuke comes: "Wherefore didst thou doubt?" Let the actual circumstances be what they may, keep recognizing Jesus, maintain complete reliance on Him." From My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers
What are your circumstances today or this week? My circumstances have revolved around trying to cope with a bound up left arm due to lymphedema swelling! The bandages are very tight and sometimes painful. I was hoping to only have to do it for one week, but I'm still in them-24/7-and will have to go to PT for the next few weeks. No doubt there are many of you that have little to complain about right now in life and just as many, if not more, who's circumstances have led you down difficult paths this week. I know my heart is heavy with the burden of prayer, particularly for those in our church family that are struggling through cancer treatments right now.
But isn't it great to know that no matter what the current circumstances of our lives, as long as we recognize Jesus in them, we can "walk on water" and rise above them!
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
A Visit from "Moses"
Journal Entry-June 8, 2010
I never thought I would be able to say it, but I had a visit from "Moses" today at the Cancer Center! Mr. Moses, that is! But he was sent to me from God just like the Moses of the Bible was sent to the Israelites!
I came to the Cancer Center to get the first of 7 Herceptin treatments. Even though new guidelines say that Herceptin can be given over a 30 minute drip, my nurse decided to leave it at the 90 min. drip for me because of the past issues with my heart.
All was fine until about an hour into the treatment. I started feeling a little sick and my head felt a little strange. I felt like I was going to pass out, so I called my nurse. She tilted me back and took my blood pressure. It was 140/86. She called Dr. Go and he told her to give me some Decadron. After he left, I was crying as a man was walking through my area. He was dressed in a suit and had a gold cross around his neck. He immediately started telling me there was no need to cry, but I should just trust the Lord. Cassie told me his name was Mr. Moses and that he was a pastor that visits the Chemo room regularly. He told me he had a word from the Lord for me-to let go and let God handle the burden. He said he knew I was a child of God's and God was telling him to tell me that I didn't need to cry any more because it was already taken care of. Then he prayed for me. After the Decadron, I finished the last of the Herceptin. My blood pressure and pulse rate was lower and I went home to rest.
How wonderful is God's plan for us that even in our darkest times, He provides messengers with His Word for us!
I never thought I would be able to say it, but I had a visit from "Moses" today at the Cancer Center! Mr. Moses, that is! But he was sent to me from God just like the Moses of the Bible was sent to the Israelites!
I came to the Cancer Center to get the first of 7 Herceptin treatments. Even though new guidelines say that Herceptin can be given over a 30 minute drip, my nurse decided to leave it at the 90 min. drip for me because of the past issues with my heart.
All was fine until about an hour into the treatment. I started feeling a little sick and my head felt a little strange. I felt like I was going to pass out, so I called my nurse. She tilted me back and took my blood pressure. It was 140/86. She called Dr. Go and he told her to give me some Decadron. After he left, I was crying as a man was walking through my area. He was dressed in a suit and had a gold cross around his neck. He immediately started telling me there was no need to cry, but I should just trust the Lord. Cassie told me his name was Mr. Moses and that he was a pastor that visits the Chemo room regularly. He told me he had a word from the Lord for me-to let go and let God handle the burden. He said he knew I was a child of God's and God was telling him to tell me that I didn't need to cry any more because it was already taken care of. Then he prayed for me. After the Decadron, I finished the last of the Herceptin. My blood pressure and pulse rate was lower and I went home to rest.
How wonderful is God's plan for us that even in our darkest times, He provides messengers with His Word for us!
Saturday, May 29, 2010
The Patience of Faith
Journal Entry-May 29, 2010
"Because thou hast kept the word of My patience." Rev. 3:10
"Patience is more than endurance. A saint's life is in the hands of God like a bow and arrow in the hands of an archer. God is aiming at something the saint cannot see, and He stretches and strains, and every now and again the saint says-"I cannot stand it any more." God does not heed, He goes on stretching till His purpose is in sight, then He lets fly. Trust yourself in God's hands. For what have you need of the patience of faith just now? Maintain your relationship to Jesus Christ by the patience of faith. "Though He slay me, yet will I wait for Him."
Faith is not a pathetic sentiment, but robust vigorous confidence built on the fact that God is holy love. You cannot see Him just now, you cannot understand what He is doing, but you know Him. Shipwreck occurs where there is not that mental poise which comes from being established on the eternal truth that God is holy love. Faith is the heroic effort of your life, you fling yourself in reckless confidence on God.
God has ventured all in Jesus Christ to save us, now He wants us to venture our all in abandoned confidence on Him. There are spots where that faith has not worked in us as yet, places untouched by the life of God. There were none of those spots in Jesus Christ's life, and there are to be none in ours. "This is eternal life, that they might know Thee." The real meaning of eternal life is a life that can face anything it has to face without wavering. If we take this view, life becomes one great romance, a glorious opportunity for seeing marvelous things all the time. God is disciplining us to get us into this central place of power."
My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers
These words have been comforting to me the past few weeks as God has stretched and strained me and I have wondered in which direction He would send me. But as I have moved forward in faith, He has placed me in the peaceful center of His will.
My Echo showed that my heart has returned to full function! As strong as it was following chemo last year. This is a good sign and means that the damage was the reversible kind from the Herceptin and not the permanent kind from chemo. But this has led Dr. Go to decide that he wants me to complete the last 7 rounds of Herceptin. I will begin on June 8 and have a treatment through my port every 3 weeks. Most of the treatments will be during the summer, which will be good. Please pray for minimal side-effects. Last year the side-effects did not start to really get bad until around the 7th or 8th time. So I'm praying that this time they won't get as bad since I'll only have 7 treatments.
Four more days of school! Can't wait!
"Because thou hast kept the word of My patience." Rev. 3:10
"Patience is more than endurance. A saint's life is in the hands of God like a bow and arrow in the hands of an archer. God is aiming at something the saint cannot see, and He stretches and strains, and every now and again the saint says-"I cannot stand it any more." God does not heed, He goes on stretching till His purpose is in sight, then He lets fly. Trust yourself in God's hands. For what have you need of the patience of faith just now? Maintain your relationship to Jesus Christ by the patience of faith. "Though He slay me, yet will I wait for Him."
Faith is not a pathetic sentiment, but robust vigorous confidence built on the fact that God is holy love. You cannot see Him just now, you cannot understand what He is doing, but you know Him. Shipwreck occurs where there is not that mental poise which comes from being established on the eternal truth that God is holy love. Faith is the heroic effort of your life, you fling yourself in reckless confidence on God.
God has ventured all in Jesus Christ to save us, now He wants us to venture our all in abandoned confidence on Him. There are spots where that faith has not worked in us as yet, places untouched by the life of God. There were none of those spots in Jesus Christ's life, and there are to be none in ours. "This is eternal life, that they might know Thee." The real meaning of eternal life is a life that can face anything it has to face without wavering. If we take this view, life becomes one great romance, a glorious opportunity for seeing marvelous things all the time. God is disciplining us to get us into this central place of power."
My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers
These words have been comforting to me the past few weeks as God has stretched and strained me and I have wondered in which direction He would send me. But as I have moved forward in faith, He has placed me in the peaceful center of His will.
My Echo showed that my heart has returned to full function! As strong as it was following chemo last year. This is a good sign and means that the damage was the reversible kind from the Herceptin and not the permanent kind from chemo. But this has led Dr. Go to decide that he wants me to complete the last 7 rounds of Herceptin. I will begin on June 8 and have a treatment through my port every 3 weeks. Most of the treatments will be during the summer, which will be good. Please pray for minimal side-effects. Last year the side-effects did not start to really get bad until around the 7th or 8th time. So I'm praying that this time they won't get as bad since I'll only have 7 treatments.
Four more days of school! Can't wait!
Sunday, May 16, 2010
"Happy Birthday is a Victory Song!"
Journal Entry-May 16, 2010
"For the LORD your God is he who goes with you to fight for you against your enemies, to give you the victory." Deuteronomy 20:4
"Happy Birthday is a Victory Song" is the theme for the 2010 Relay for Life. As I walked my first Survivor Lap I was reminded that it is the Lord who gives us the victory!! Joe, Joey, and Anna were able to walk their Caregiver Lap. It was a wonderful time of joy and remembrance.
The crazy days of May have begun! Joey and the Hampton Park Panther Band rode in the Armed Forces Day Parade this weekend. Anna had her voice recital. Dr. Gococo sent me for a repeat Echo on my heart to see if my heart function has gone up. He is contemplating whether or not he wants me to finish those last 7 Herceptin treatments. I go back to him for results on May 25. I would like to ask you to specifically pray for the fluid retention in my feet and legs. It has gotten to the point of being painful. It may be caused by low heart function or it may be a side effect of Tamoxifen. Either way, it's becoming a daily concern. Thanks for your faithful prayers and support!
"For the LORD your God is he who goes with you to fight for you against your enemies, to give you the victory." Deuteronomy 20:4
"Happy Birthday is a Victory Song" is the theme for the 2010 Relay for Life. As I walked my first Survivor Lap I was reminded that it is the Lord who gives us the victory!! Joe, Joey, and Anna were able to walk their Caregiver Lap. It was a wonderful time of joy and remembrance.
The crazy days of May have begun! Joey and the Hampton Park Panther Band rode in the Armed Forces Day Parade this weekend. Anna had her voice recital. Dr. Gococo sent me for a repeat Echo on my heart to see if my heart function has gone up. He is contemplating whether or not he wants me to finish those last 7 Herceptin treatments. I go back to him for results on May 25. I would like to ask you to specifically pray for the fluid retention in my feet and legs. It has gotten to the point of being painful. It may be caused by low heart function or it may be a side effect of Tamoxifen. Either way, it's becoming a daily concern. Thanks for your faithful prayers and support!
Sunday, May 2, 2010
The Graciousness of Uncertainty
Journal Entry-May 2, 2010
"Naturally, we are inclined to be so mathematical and calculating that we look upon uncertainty as a bad thing...The nature of spiritual life is that we are certain in our uncertainty...Certainty is the mark of the common-sense life; gracious uncertainty is the mark of the spiritual life. To be certain of God means that we are uncertain in all our ways, we do not know what a day will bring forth. This is generally said with a sigh of sadness, it should be rather an expression of breathless expectation. We are uncertain of the next step, but we are certain of God. Immediately we abandon to God, and do the duty that lies nearest, He packs our life with surprises all the time...Spiritual life is the life of a child. We are not uncertain of God, but uncertain of what He is going to do next...Leave the whole thing to Him, it is gloriously uncertain how He will come in, but He will come. Remain loyal to Him." Oswald Chambers-My Utmost For His Highest
I really needed these words this week and I hope they are a blessing to you, as well. Uncertainty is one thing that I fear, even before my cancer diagnosis. But now, even more, I need to be watching and waiting to see how God is going to move in my life and not miss any opportunities He gives me to serve Him.
I'd like to ask you to pray for the family of Pam, a friend from my oncology rehabilitation class last summer. She lost her 16 month battle with breast cancer this past week. We were diagnosed the same month last year. She was always smiling, with her bandana on her head! Her hair wasn't growing back as fast as it should've and she was desperately hoping for some! The last time I saw her, I gave her a little bottle of shampoo and a tube of mascara as she waited for hair! She said in her comment on my blog in August that she had been encouraged from the verses many of you shared with me. Thank you all as you continue to lift me up, so I can share this encouragement with others.
"We're uncertain of the next step, but certain of God."
"Naturally, we are inclined to be so mathematical and calculating that we look upon uncertainty as a bad thing...The nature of spiritual life is that we are certain in our uncertainty...Certainty is the mark of the common-sense life; gracious uncertainty is the mark of the spiritual life. To be certain of God means that we are uncertain in all our ways, we do not know what a day will bring forth. This is generally said with a sigh of sadness, it should be rather an expression of breathless expectation. We are uncertain of the next step, but we are certain of God. Immediately we abandon to God, and do the duty that lies nearest, He packs our life with surprises all the time...Spiritual life is the life of a child. We are not uncertain of God, but uncertain of what He is going to do next...Leave the whole thing to Him, it is gloriously uncertain how He will come in, but He will come. Remain loyal to Him." Oswald Chambers-My Utmost For His Highest
I really needed these words this week and I hope they are a blessing to you, as well. Uncertainty is one thing that I fear, even before my cancer diagnosis. But now, even more, I need to be watching and waiting to see how God is going to move in my life and not miss any opportunities He gives me to serve Him.
I'd like to ask you to pray for the family of Pam, a friend from my oncology rehabilitation class last summer. She lost her 16 month battle with breast cancer this past week. We were diagnosed the same month last year. She was always smiling, with her bandana on her head! Her hair wasn't growing back as fast as it should've and she was desperately hoping for some! The last time I saw her, I gave her a little bottle of shampoo and a tube of mascara as she waited for hair! She said in her comment on my blog in August that she had been encouraged from the verses many of you shared with me. Thank you all as you continue to lift me up, so I can share this encouragement with others.
"We're uncertain of the next step, but certain of God."
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
There and back again!
Journal Entry-April 28, 2010
Anna and I had a wonderful time in Williamsburg! I had never been and really enjoyed seeing what our country was like during the time of the Revolution. Not so far removed from the feelings of patriotism and freedom we feel today!
I am having to bandage my arm due to swelling from the lymphedema. I was out of my normal routine while travelling last week and had some fluid building up. I should have my new compression sleeves soon.
I have a routine M.R.I. on May 3 and will receive the results the next Tuesday. I'll update then. Thank you so much for praying!
Anna and I had a wonderful time in Williamsburg! I had never been and really enjoyed seeing what our country was like during the time of the Revolution. Not so far removed from the feelings of patriotism and freedom we feel today!
I am having to bandage my arm due to swelling from the lymphedema. I was out of my normal routine while travelling last week and had some fluid building up. I should have my new compression sleeves soon.
I have a routine M.R.I. on May 3 and will receive the results the next Tuesday. I'll update then. Thank you so much for praying!
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