"There is a higher throne than all this world has known, where faithful ones from every tongue will one day come. Before the Son we'll stand, made faultless through the Lamb; believing hearts find promised grace; salvation comes.
And there we'll find a home, our life before the throne. We'll honor Him in perfect song, where we belong. He'll wipe each tear-stained eye, as thirst and hunger die. The Lamb becomes our Shepherd King; we'll reign with Him.
Hear Heaven's voices sing, their thunderous anthem rings through emerald courts and sapphire skies; their praises rise. All glory, wisdom, power, strength, thanks and honor are to God, our King who reigns on high, forever more"
These words from "A Higher Throne" by the Getty's were wonderful to sing as I took Anna to her Saturday voice club today. After the past week as I was coming out of the "fog" of chemo, I could hear God whispering once again, "O, ye of little faith". I ended up having two MRI's this week, one from 8:30-10:30 Friday night at GMH and the other Tuesday afternoon after my appointment with Dr. Rippon. They needed "a closer look" which at the time was frustrating. I am claustrophobic, especially in the old MRI machines. The noise is like machine gun fire and jackhammers rolled into one! I could barely look up and see one, old light bulb shining in the "pit"! I struggled to recall scripture and songs but the noise makes it hard to remember and concentrate. I just kept looking at that light and thinking of everything about the Lord to do with light: light of the world, this little light of mine, light from the tomb as the angel announced "Christ is risen", etc. When the tech came in to inject the contrast dye, she said, "I didn't realize this light was so bright, do you want me to turn it off?" And I screamed, "No! Don't touch my light!" But the extra detailed films now give me assurance that at this time there are no places on my left chest area (bones, muscles, chest wall) to suggest metastatic disease. It is a great boost to my spirit as I press on toward my last 2 chemos. It is so hard to remember during those "down" times that "there is a higher throne". Dr. Rippon suggested that we move forward with looking at another surgery early next year that will include biopsies of skin and tissue in the lymphatic’s that may still contain cancer. I will meet with the plastic surgeon in December. He will work together with her to do skin grafts and reconstruction at the same time. Joey was finally fever-free on Friday after 8 days. He had "walking pneumonia" and missed 4 days of school this week, but is hopefully on the way back on Monday. He has been highly contagious at a time when my counts are at their lowest, so we appreciate your prayers for all of us as we try to stay well. Congrats to Joey, Craig, Levi, and Matt (the HPCS percussion ensemble for placing third at BJU Festival! Also, to Joey and Matt for placing second in piano duo and duet! The concerts were fantastic and Joey enjoyed "the college life" for a week as he roomed with two sweet boys from our church, Cody and Andrew.We are so thankful this Thanksgiving for all of the generous offerings of food, prayers, cards, and thoughts for our family. May the Lord bless each of you and your families as you rest and enjoy this upcoming week of Thanksgiving!
Saturday, November 19, 2011
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Seeing in NOT Believing
"On the evening of that day, the first day of the week, the doors being locked where the disciples were for fear of the Jews, Jesus came and stood among them and said to them, "Peace be with you." When he had said this, he showed them his hands and his side. Then the disciples were glad when they saw the Lord. Jesus said to them again, "Peace be with you. As the Father has sent me, even so I am sending you." And when he had said this, he breathed on them and said to them, "Receive the Holy Spirit...Now Thomas, one of the Twelve, called the Twin, was not with them when Jesus came. So the other disciples told him, "We have seen the Lord." But he said to them, "Unless I see in his hands the mark of the nails, and place my finger into the mark of the nails, and place my hand into his side, I will never believe. Eight days later, his disciples were inside again, and Thomas was with them. Although the doors were locked, Jesus came and stood among them and said, "Peace be with you." Then he said to Thomas, "Put your finger here, and see my hands; and put out your hand, and place it in my side. Do not disbelieve, but believe." Thomas answered him, "My Lord and my God!" Jesus said to him, "Have you believed because you have seen me? Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed." John 20:11-29
"Faith in antagonism to common sense is fanaticism, and common sense in antagonism to faith is rationalism. The life of faith brings the two into a right relation. Common sense is not faith, and faith is not common sense; they stand in the relation of the natural and the spiritual; of impulse and inspiration. Nothing Jesus Christ ever said is common sense, it a revelation sense and it reaches the shores where common sense fails. Faith must be tried before the reality of faith is actual. "We know that all things work together for good," then no matter what happens, the alchemy of God's providence transfigures the ideal faith into actual reality. Faith always works on the personal line, the whole purpose of God being to see that the ideal faith is made real in His children. For every detail of the common-sense life, there is a revelation fact of God whereby we can prove in practical experience what we believe God to be. Faith is a tremendously active principal which always puts Jesus Christ-Lord, Thou hast said so and so, it looks mad, but I am going to venture on Thy Word. To turn head faith into a personal possession is a fight always, not sometimes. God brings us into circumstances in order to educate our faith, because the nature of faith is to make its object real...Faith is the whole man rightly related to God by the power of the Spirit of Jesus Christ." From My Utmost for His Highest" by Oswald Chambers
I have been struggling with common sense and the spiritual since my last chemotherapy more than usual. As I look at the area where there is still cancer in the dermis of my skin, I want to SEE that this chemo is working. This recurrence of cancer has been difficult to diagnose with normal diagnostic tests and blood work. It has been "not easily seen" and more spread out. Leaving questions to be answered about what will follow this chemo when it is completed in December. I am like Thomas, "Unless I see...I will never believe". It strikes me that this lesson is so very important that the resurrected Jesus wants to drive home with Thomas. He has been raised from the dead and returns to finish His earthly ministry and leave His disciples prepared for the task of finishing their part of God's salvation plan, first for the Jews and then for the Gentiles. Before the first week has ended, he comes back to the disciples specifically to meet with Thomas and address his unbelief. How lovingly he brings Thomas back into focus and helps him to realize that the bigger blessing comes from this truth: "Believing is Seeing". Common sense turns that around and makes it the commonly heard phrase: "Seeing is Believing".
Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. For by it the people of old received their commendation. By faith we understand that the universe was created by the word of God, so that what is seen was not made out of things that are visible...And without faith it is impossible to please Him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him."
Hebrews 20:11:1-3, 6
At my last visit my cancer antigen markers went up from 14.5-19.1. It was 19.0 today. Dr. Go was not too concerned at the jump. Sometimes during chemo as the cancer cells are killed in large numbers, it can cause this number to spike. So we will continue to watch it over the new few weeks. I've had cold sore type places in my mouth and nose and will begin to take an antiviral medicine to help with this. This week my hemoglobin and white blood cell counts were both low. So I will be having a Neulasta shot on Friday with fluids to boost my white blood cell count. Last time I had it after all 6 rounds of chemo. This time I haven't needed it until now and will have it after each of my last 2 rounds, as well. It artificially stimulates bones in your body (mostly sternum and hip) to produce more white blood cells. This is painful, sort of like the pain of a spinal tap or epidural, especially when I lean over. I also have been noticing a mass or lump above the former tumor site, around the 4th rib under my left shoulder. Dr. Go has ordered an MRI for tomorrow night at 8:30. Hopefully we will have the results before Tuesday when Joe and I are going for my check-up with Dr. Rippon (surgeon).
It is so encouraging to me when so many of you tell me you are praying for me so much! It is times "in the valley" like I've had this week that the thought of all the intercession helps me to "rise on wings of faith".
I'd like to end with some excerpts from some of my favorite songs over the past few weeks.
"Still, my soul, be still, and do not fear though winds of change may rage tomorrow. God is at your side; no longer dread the fires of unexpected sorrow.
Still, my soul be still, do not be moved by lesser lights and fleeting shadows. Hold on to His ways, with shield of faith against temptations flaming arrows.
Still, my soul, be still, do not forsake the truth you learned in the beginning. Wait upon the Lord, and hope will rise as stars appear when days are dimming."
God you are my God. And I will trust in you and not be shaken. Lord of Peace renew a steadfast spirit within me to rest in You alone."
"One with the Father, Ancient of Days; through the Spirit who clothes faith with certainty. Honor and blessing, glory and praise to the King crowned with power and authority. And we are raised with Him.
Death is dead! Love has won! Christ has conquered!
And we will reign with Him; for He lives Christ is risen from the dead!"
"Faith in antagonism to common sense is fanaticism, and common sense in antagonism to faith is rationalism. The life of faith brings the two into a right relation. Common sense is not faith, and faith is not common sense; they stand in the relation of the natural and the spiritual; of impulse and inspiration. Nothing Jesus Christ ever said is common sense, it a revelation sense and it reaches the shores where common sense fails. Faith must be tried before the reality of faith is actual. "We know that all things work together for good," then no matter what happens, the alchemy of God's providence transfigures the ideal faith into actual reality. Faith always works on the personal line, the whole purpose of God being to see that the ideal faith is made real in His children. For every detail of the common-sense life, there is a revelation fact of God whereby we can prove in practical experience what we believe God to be. Faith is a tremendously active principal which always puts Jesus Christ-Lord, Thou hast said so and so, it looks mad, but I am going to venture on Thy Word. To turn head faith into a personal possession is a fight always, not sometimes. God brings us into circumstances in order to educate our faith, because the nature of faith is to make its object real...Faith is the whole man rightly related to God by the power of the Spirit of Jesus Christ." From My Utmost for His Highest" by Oswald Chambers
I have been struggling with common sense and the spiritual since my last chemotherapy more than usual. As I look at the area where there is still cancer in the dermis of my skin, I want to SEE that this chemo is working. This recurrence of cancer has been difficult to diagnose with normal diagnostic tests and blood work. It has been "not easily seen" and more spread out. Leaving questions to be answered about what will follow this chemo when it is completed in December. I am like Thomas, "Unless I see...I will never believe". It strikes me that this lesson is so very important that the resurrected Jesus wants to drive home with Thomas. He has been raised from the dead and returns to finish His earthly ministry and leave His disciples prepared for the task of finishing their part of God's salvation plan, first for the Jews and then for the Gentiles. Before the first week has ended, he comes back to the disciples specifically to meet with Thomas and address his unbelief. How lovingly he brings Thomas back into focus and helps him to realize that the bigger blessing comes from this truth: "Believing is Seeing". Common sense turns that around and makes it the commonly heard phrase: "Seeing is Believing".
Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. For by it the people of old received their commendation. By faith we understand that the universe was created by the word of God, so that what is seen was not made out of things that are visible...And without faith it is impossible to please Him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him."
Hebrews 20:11:1-3, 6
At my last visit my cancer antigen markers went up from 14.5-19.1. It was 19.0 today. Dr. Go was not too concerned at the jump. Sometimes during chemo as the cancer cells are killed in large numbers, it can cause this number to spike. So we will continue to watch it over the new few weeks. I've had cold sore type places in my mouth and nose and will begin to take an antiviral medicine to help with this. This week my hemoglobin and white blood cell counts were both low. So I will be having a Neulasta shot on Friday with fluids to boost my white blood cell count. Last time I had it after all 6 rounds of chemo. This time I haven't needed it until now and will have it after each of my last 2 rounds, as well. It artificially stimulates bones in your body (mostly sternum and hip) to produce more white blood cells. This is painful, sort of like the pain of a spinal tap or epidural, especially when I lean over. I also have been noticing a mass or lump above the former tumor site, around the 4th rib under my left shoulder. Dr. Go has ordered an MRI for tomorrow night at 8:30. Hopefully we will have the results before Tuesday when Joe and I are going for my check-up with Dr. Rippon (surgeon).
It is so encouraging to me when so many of you tell me you are praying for me so much! It is times "in the valley" like I've had this week that the thought of all the intercession helps me to "rise on wings of faith".
I'd like to end with some excerpts from some of my favorite songs over the past few weeks.
"Still, my soul, be still, and do not fear though winds of change may rage tomorrow. God is at your side; no longer dread the fires of unexpected sorrow.
Still, my soul be still, do not be moved by lesser lights and fleeting shadows. Hold on to His ways, with shield of faith against temptations flaming arrows.
Still, my soul, be still, do not forsake the truth you learned in the beginning. Wait upon the Lord, and hope will rise as stars appear when days are dimming."
God you are my God. And I will trust in you and not be shaken. Lord of Peace renew a steadfast spirit within me to rest in You alone."
"One with the Father, Ancient of Days; through the Spirit who clothes faith with certainty. Honor and blessing, glory and praise to the King crowned with power and authority. And we are raised with Him.
Death is dead! Love has won! Christ has conquered!
And we will reign with Him; for He lives Christ is risen from the dead!"
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