Sunday, August 28, 2011

"My peace I give unto you"

August 28, 2011

"Peace I leave with you, My peace I give unto you." John 12:27

"There are times when our peace is based upon ignorance, but when we awaken to the facts of life, inner peace is impossible unless it is received from Jesus. When Our Lord speaks peace, He makes peace, His words are ever "spirit and life." Have I ever received what Jesus speaks? "My peace I give unto you"-it is peace which comes from looking in His face and realizing His undisturbedness.
Are you painfully disturbed just now, distracted by the waves and billows of God's providential permission, and having, as it were, turned over the boulders of your belief, are you still finding no well of peace or joy or comfort; is all barren? Then look up and receive the undisturbedness of the Lord Jesus. Reflected peace is the proof that you are right with God because you are at liberty to turn your mind to Him...Are you looking unto Jesus now, in the immediate matter that is pressing and receiving from Him peace? If so, He will be a glorious benediction of peace in and through you. But if you try to worry it out, you obliterate Him and deserve all you get. We get disturbed because we have not been considering Him. When one confers with Jesus Christ, the perplexity goes, because He has no perplexity, and our only concern is to abide in Him. Lay it all out before Him, and in the face of difficulty, bereavement, and sorrow, hear Him say, "Let not your heart be troubled." Oswald Chambers

This was my devotion for August 26. I wrestled with the facts facing me that day and the truths of what it had to say about peace and then I rested and prepared to meet with my oncologist that afternoon.
The doctor's words to me as he came in to discuss my situation were, "What kind of chill pill are you on?!" Reflected peace from Jesus!
This is only one of many times the Lord has given me to bring glory to His name and to what He is doing in my life. I wish I could say that this peace is mine every minute of the day, but it is a struggle and I appreciate your continued and needed prayers more than you know.
In light of the fact that Dr. Rippon was not able to get "clear margins" (get all of the cancer) in the tissue and the skin, and because it was in the lymphatic’s system to some degree, there is a possibility that the cancer cells have traveled other places in my body. According to the PET scan, no large areas of accumulation have been found, which is a blessing. But there is no test to measure small traces spread out over large areas. So we have to aggressively treat this cancer. I will get a port installed on Friday, Sept. 2 and most likely begin chemotherapy on Sept. 7. Dr. Gococo is still deciding on which chemo meds to use, but they will “pack a punch” and be as hard as he can hit me without doing damage in other places. I will most likely try to start back to work the following Monday, Sept. 12 and work in between rounds of chemo like I did in 2009.
I have a few days this week to continue to heal from surgery, get Anna ready for the HPCS Jr. High trip to the Wilds Camp, get some things at school taken care of, and prepare for chemo.
Please pray for my body to be strong and my spirit to remain steadfast.

Thursday, August 18, 2011

Going Home!

August 18, 2011

We are packing up and getting ready to go home. I'm to the point where my pain is manageable and I'm ready to be home! I will discuss treatment options with Dr. Rippon at my post-op appointment on Tuesday. Thanks for your prayers!

"There is a connection between the strange providences of God and what we know of Him, and we have to learn to interpret the mysteries of life in the light of our knowledge of God. Unless we can look the darkest, blackest fact full in the face without damaging God's character, we do not yet know Him." Oswald Chambers

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Still, My Soul, Be Still

August 17, 2011

"Still, my soul, be still, and do not fear though winds of change may rage tomorrow. God is at your side; no longer dread the fires of unexpected sorrow.
(Chorus) God, You are my God, and I will trust in you and not be shaken. Lord of peace renew a steadfast spirit within me to rest in You alone, to rest in You alone.
Still, my soul, be still, do not be moved by lesser lights and fleeting shadows. Hold on to His ways, with shield of faith against temptation's flaming arrows.
Still, my soul, be still, do not forsake the truth you learned in the beginning. Wait upon the Lord, and hope will rise as stars appear when day is dimming."

Surgery went well yesterday and Joe and I are settling in to our room at Greenville Memorial. I will stay one more night and hopefully come home tomorrow afternoon. They were able to remove everything except for some skin that tested positive for cancer. It could've required a skin graph to close it up, so she decided against taking all of it. Joe and I will speak with doctors next week. There is a chance they may want me to do some radiation on the skin and maybe some chemo (Herceptin). This is discouraging for me, but not to God!
Thank you so much for all the thoughts, prayers, food, cards, and kind words.

Monday, August 15, 2011

May This Journey Bring a Blessing

August 15, 2011

"Jesus, draw me ever nearer as I labor through the storm. You have called me to this passage, and I'll follow, though I'm worn.
(Chorus) May this journey bring a blessing, May I rise on wings of faith; And at the end of my heart's testing, with Your likeness let me wake.
Jesus, guide me through the tempest; keep my spirit staid and sure. When the midnight meets the morning, let me love you even more. (Chorus)
Let the treasures of the trial form within me as I go. And at the end of this long passage, let me leave them at Your throne."

"What line does my thought take? Does it turn to what God says or to what I fear?..."I will in no wise fail thee:-not for all my sin and selfishness and stubbornness and waywardness. Have I really let God say to me that He will never fail me? If I listened to this say-so of God's, then let me listen again...My say-so must be built on God's say-so. God says, "I will never leave thee" then I can with good courage say-"The Lord is my Helper, I will not fear". I will not be haunted by apprehension. This does not mean that I will not be tempted to fear, but I will remember God's say-so. I will be full of courage, like a child "bucking himself up" to reach the standard his father wants...The only way to get the dread taken out of us is to listen to God's say-so. What are you dreading? You are not a coward about it, you are going to face it, but there is a feeling of dread. When there is nothing and no one to help you, say-"But the Lord is my Helper, this second, in my present outlook." When we realize how feeble we are in facing difficulties, the difficulties become like giants, we become like grasshoppers, and God becomes a nonentity. Remember God's say-so-"I will in no wise fail you." Oswald Chambers

Friday, August 5, 2011

Overcoming Life

Journal Entry-August 5, 2011

"God does not give us overcoming life: He gives us life as we overcome. The strain is the strength. If there is no strain, there is no strength...God never gives strength for tomorrow, or for the next hour, but only for the strain of the minute." Oswald Chambers

I am praising the Lord today for giving me life as I overcome! I will have a mastectomy on Tuesday, August 16 with a delayed reconstruction surgery. I continue to be amazed at how the Lord answers prayers for wisdom and guidance. We felt led to get a second opinion with another plastic surgeon and I just stood back and watched as one thing after another confirmed that the Lord had already planned this road-I only had to walk down it! Dr. de Brux is very conservative concerning risk of infection. He is going to "sit in" with Dr. Rippon during my surgery on the 16th so he is involved with the process right from the start. The reconstruction surgery will follow approximately 3 months down the road. I am so thankful for faithful servants of God who are praying specific prayers with me. The Lord has truly answered in a clear and perfect way.

I will start work on Wednesday, August 10. I will have a "Meet the Teacher" on Thursday and Parent Conference Meetings on Friday and possibly Monday. Then I will have my surgery and trust my new little friends to my wonderful assistant, Phyllis and great substitutes!! Thanks for your continued prayers as I prepare my classroom and fill out the necessary paperwork for my absence.