“So Spirit, come, put strength in every stride, Give grace for every hurdle, That we may run with faith to win the prize, Of a servant good and faithful." (Getty, "O Church Arise")
"And from His fullness we have all received grace upon grace." John 1:16
Today is "Jingle Bell" Day! As I finish up my 6 rounds of the tough chemo I get to ring the brass bell in the Cancer Center. I've struggled with whether I should or shouldn't ring it. Part of me did not want to because it would seem odd to ring the bell and then say, "See you in three weeks!" But then I realized I needed to praise the Lord with that bell for his "grace upon grace" to me as I complete this hurdle.
As I continue this journey I am looking towards the next hurdles. It's been a hard 2 weeks of confusing comments from doctors about the next step. And when I called and asked them to please meet and come to a consensus, it seemed to irritate them. We are still praying about the possibility of doing more surgery, Spring Break at the earliest. Both surgeons and the radiation oncologist felt, as I did, that we need to try and go back in to get "clear margins" if possible. Now they are telling me their recommendation is to do the surgery only if I want the reconstruction and not for getting clear margins. It is very confusing, but I know that our God is not the author of confusion. He will make it clear in his own time.
I will begin doing just the Herceptin alone on Jan. 12. The other hurdle they introduced was the possibility of starting me on a chemo pill 4x a day called Tykerb. It works similarly to the Herceptin to block the Her2 so there is a chance the insurance company will not approve it. The possible side effects are moderate to severe and nothing I would want to endure. This was a big shock to me, but not to My God. My timber markers also went up again by 6 and a half points. This represents a cancer antigen marker and you do not want to see this go up. He will check it again in 3 weeks to see if it has dropped or continued to rise. Thanks for your prayers for wisdom as we look ahead to the New Year.
Thanks to all of the dear ladies that are spending some of their vacation time to purchase or make meals for us. All of your Christmas cards and verses have been so encouraging. I would very much like to be at church on Sunday morning because Joey is playing his marimba solo for the offertory. We hope you and your families have a blessed Christmas season!
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Friday, December 9, 2011
Christmastime
We enjoyed the wonderful "Christmastime" Program at HPCS last night. Anna and Joey sang and played along with all of the other talented students and directors. We especially enjoyed being able to visit with Paulette, Joe's sister, and Madison, Joey and Anna's cousin. It was a great time of fellowship and worship of Christ.
I went for a check of my hemoglobin after experiencing extreme fatigue this week. It was unchanged which means I will not need a blood transfusion. They expect the increasing fatigue is due to the cumulative effect of the chemotherapy as I approach the last treatment on Dec. 22. I have an appointment with Dr. Wilcox, the radiation oncologist, next Tuesday to discuss possible electron radiation of the skin for our next step in this battle. It is different from the kind I had in 2009 for 7 weeks but I’m not sure exactly how. I should know more next week. I would most likely begin 4 to 6 weeks after my last treatment. After fully healing from that, I will most likely have surgery, maybe as late as next summer.
Thanks for your continued prayers. I had to take a half day Tuesday to go home and rest but that is only the second time I've had to take an extra day off apart from the 2 days of chemotherapy for each round. That is a wonderful testament of faithful prayers on my behalf. I praise God for all of the wonderful prayer warriors that help me to "rise on wings of faith". I would appreciate your prayers for my mom who is recovering from hip surgery this past Monday. And for Rach, my middle sis, who will continue her battle with breast cancer next week as she gets her port placement and begins chemotherapy on Thursday. Praying and trusting God for your healing! He is faithful!
I went for a check of my hemoglobin after experiencing extreme fatigue this week. It was unchanged which means I will not need a blood transfusion. They expect the increasing fatigue is due to the cumulative effect of the chemotherapy as I approach the last treatment on Dec. 22. I have an appointment with Dr. Wilcox, the radiation oncologist, next Tuesday to discuss possible electron radiation of the skin for our next step in this battle. It is different from the kind I had in 2009 for 7 weeks but I’m not sure exactly how. I should know more next week. I would most likely begin 4 to 6 weeks after my last treatment. After fully healing from that, I will most likely have surgery, maybe as late as next summer.
Thanks for your continued prayers. I had to take a half day Tuesday to go home and rest but that is only the second time I've had to take an extra day off apart from the 2 days of chemotherapy for each round. That is a wonderful testament of faithful prayers on my behalf. I praise God for all of the wonderful prayer warriors that help me to "rise on wings of faith". I would appreciate your prayers for my mom who is recovering from hip surgery this past Monday. And for Rach, my middle sis, who will continue her battle with breast cancer next week as she gets her port placement and begins chemotherapy on Thursday. Praying and trusting God for your healing! He is faithful!
Thursday, December 1, 2011
All Things Work Together for Good
"O church, arise and put your armor on; hear the call of Christ our captain; for now the weak can say that they are strong in the strength that God has given. With shield of faith and belt of truth we'll stand against the devil's lies; an army bold whose battle cry is "love" reaching out to those in darkness.
Come, see the cross where love and mercy meet, as the Son of God is stricken; Then see His foes lie crushed beneath His feet, for the Conqueror has risen! And as the stone is rolled away, and Christ emerges from the grave, This vict'ry march continues till the day ev'ry eye and heart shall see Him.
So Spirit, come, put strength in ev'ry stride, Give grace for ev'ry hurdle, That we may run with faith to win the prize of a servant good and faithful. As saints of old still line the way, retelling triumphs of His grace. We hear their calls and hunger for the day when, with Christ, we stand in glory." (Getty and Townsend 2005)
"For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. For the creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the sons of God...And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, grown inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience. Likewise the Spirit helps in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself interceded for us with groanings too deep for words. And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose." Romans 8:18, 23-28
I am having my 5th chemo today and will have the last one on Dec. 22. I will have the Neulasta shot again tomorrow because my white cell count was still marginal. My hemoglobin is low so I am taking the alfalfa tablets (6 a day). They give me horrible nausea and heartburn but I need to do all I can to keep it up to avoid a blood transfusion. I was thankful this week to read the verses above that remind me we really don't know what to pray; our prayers are imperfect. But we have the gift of the Spirit to intercede for us according to God's perfect will. And God's plan works together for our good. Thank you as you join our Intercessors, the Spirit and our Risen Lord, in prayer for us as I continue to pray for you!
I am scheduled to see Dr. de Brux next week and hopefully the radiation oncologist soon. Dr. Gococo is still contemplating the electron radiation at some point and has some reservations about surgery without more consulting with Rippon, de Brux, and Wilcox. Hopefully by my next chemo we will have a game plan and be ready to start the next step in 4 to 6 weeks after my last chemo. Thank you for praying for all my doctors as they put their heads together to come to a decision. I know that the answer will be from the Lord!
"When faced with trials on ev'ry side we know the outcome is secure. And Christ will have the prize for which He died, an inheritance of nations."
Come, see the cross where love and mercy meet, as the Son of God is stricken; Then see His foes lie crushed beneath His feet, for the Conqueror has risen! And as the stone is rolled away, and Christ emerges from the grave, This vict'ry march continues till the day ev'ry eye and heart shall see Him.
So Spirit, come, put strength in ev'ry stride, Give grace for ev'ry hurdle, That we may run with faith to win the prize of a servant good and faithful. As saints of old still line the way, retelling triumphs of His grace. We hear their calls and hunger for the day when, with Christ, we stand in glory." (Getty and Townsend 2005)
"For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. For the creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the sons of God...And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, grown inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience. Likewise the Spirit helps in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself interceded for us with groanings too deep for words. And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose." Romans 8:18, 23-28
I am having my 5th chemo today and will have the last one on Dec. 22. I will have the Neulasta shot again tomorrow because my white cell count was still marginal. My hemoglobin is low so I am taking the alfalfa tablets (6 a day). They give me horrible nausea and heartburn but I need to do all I can to keep it up to avoid a blood transfusion. I was thankful this week to read the verses above that remind me we really don't know what to pray; our prayers are imperfect. But we have the gift of the Spirit to intercede for us according to God's perfect will. And God's plan works together for our good. Thank you as you join our Intercessors, the Spirit and our Risen Lord, in prayer for us as I continue to pray for you!
I am scheduled to see Dr. de Brux next week and hopefully the radiation oncologist soon. Dr. Gococo is still contemplating the electron radiation at some point and has some reservations about surgery without more consulting with Rippon, de Brux, and Wilcox. Hopefully by my next chemo we will have a game plan and be ready to start the next step in 4 to 6 weeks after my last chemo. Thank you for praying for all my doctors as they put their heads together to come to a decision. I know that the answer will be from the Lord!
"When faced with trials on ev'ry side we know the outcome is secure. And Christ will have the prize for which He died, an inheritance of nations."
Saturday, November 19, 2011
A Higher Throne
"There is a higher throne than all this world has known, where faithful ones from every tongue will one day come. Before the Son we'll stand, made faultless through the Lamb; believing hearts find promised grace; salvation comes.
And there we'll find a home, our life before the throne. We'll honor Him in perfect song, where we belong. He'll wipe each tear-stained eye, as thirst and hunger die. The Lamb becomes our Shepherd King; we'll reign with Him.
Hear Heaven's voices sing, their thunderous anthem rings through emerald courts and sapphire skies; their praises rise. All glory, wisdom, power, strength, thanks and honor are to God, our King who reigns on high, forever more"
These words from "A Higher Throne" by the Getty's were wonderful to sing as I took Anna to her Saturday voice club today. After the past week as I was coming out of the "fog" of chemo, I could hear God whispering once again, "O, ye of little faith". I ended up having two MRI's this week, one from 8:30-10:30 Friday night at GMH and the other Tuesday afternoon after my appointment with Dr. Rippon. They needed "a closer look" which at the time was frustrating. I am claustrophobic, especially in the old MRI machines. The noise is like machine gun fire and jackhammers rolled into one! I could barely look up and see one, old light bulb shining in the "pit"! I struggled to recall scripture and songs but the noise makes it hard to remember and concentrate. I just kept looking at that light and thinking of everything about the Lord to do with light: light of the world, this little light of mine, light from the tomb as the angel announced "Christ is risen", etc. When the tech came in to inject the contrast dye, she said, "I didn't realize this light was so bright, do you want me to turn it off?" And I screamed, "No! Don't touch my light!" But the extra detailed films now give me assurance that at this time there are no places on my left chest area (bones, muscles, chest wall) to suggest metastatic disease. It is a great boost to my spirit as I press on toward my last 2 chemos. It is so hard to remember during those "down" times that "there is a higher throne". Dr. Rippon suggested that we move forward with looking at another surgery early next year that will include biopsies of skin and tissue in the lymphatic’s that may still contain cancer. I will meet with the plastic surgeon in December. He will work together with her to do skin grafts and reconstruction at the same time. Joey was finally fever-free on Friday after 8 days. He had "walking pneumonia" and missed 4 days of school this week, but is hopefully on the way back on Monday. He has been highly contagious at a time when my counts are at their lowest, so we appreciate your prayers for all of us as we try to stay well. Congrats to Joey, Craig, Levi, and Matt (the HPCS percussion ensemble for placing third at BJU Festival! Also, to Joey and Matt for placing second in piano duo and duet! The concerts were fantastic and Joey enjoyed "the college life" for a week as he roomed with two sweet boys from our church, Cody and Andrew.We are so thankful this Thanksgiving for all of the generous offerings of food, prayers, cards, and thoughts for our family. May the Lord bless each of you and your families as you rest and enjoy this upcoming week of Thanksgiving!
And there we'll find a home, our life before the throne. We'll honor Him in perfect song, where we belong. He'll wipe each tear-stained eye, as thirst and hunger die. The Lamb becomes our Shepherd King; we'll reign with Him.
Hear Heaven's voices sing, their thunderous anthem rings through emerald courts and sapphire skies; their praises rise. All glory, wisdom, power, strength, thanks and honor are to God, our King who reigns on high, forever more"
These words from "A Higher Throne" by the Getty's were wonderful to sing as I took Anna to her Saturday voice club today. After the past week as I was coming out of the "fog" of chemo, I could hear God whispering once again, "O, ye of little faith". I ended up having two MRI's this week, one from 8:30-10:30 Friday night at GMH and the other Tuesday afternoon after my appointment with Dr. Rippon. They needed "a closer look" which at the time was frustrating. I am claustrophobic, especially in the old MRI machines. The noise is like machine gun fire and jackhammers rolled into one! I could barely look up and see one, old light bulb shining in the "pit"! I struggled to recall scripture and songs but the noise makes it hard to remember and concentrate. I just kept looking at that light and thinking of everything about the Lord to do with light: light of the world, this little light of mine, light from the tomb as the angel announced "Christ is risen", etc. When the tech came in to inject the contrast dye, she said, "I didn't realize this light was so bright, do you want me to turn it off?" And I screamed, "No! Don't touch my light!" But the extra detailed films now give me assurance that at this time there are no places on my left chest area (bones, muscles, chest wall) to suggest metastatic disease. It is a great boost to my spirit as I press on toward my last 2 chemos. It is so hard to remember during those "down" times that "there is a higher throne". Dr. Rippon suggested that we move forward with looking at another surgery early next year that will include biopsies of skin and tissue in the lymphatic’s that may still contain cancer. I will meet with the plastic surgeon in December. He will work together with her to do skin grafts and reconstruction at the same time. Joey was finally fever-free on Friday after 8 days. He had "walking pneumonia" and missed 4 days of school this week, but is hopefully on the way back on Monday. He has been highly contagious at a time when my counts are at their lowest, so we appreciate your prayers for all of us as we try to stay well. Congrats to Joey, Craig, Levi, and Matt (the HPCS percussion ensemble for placing third at BJU Festival! Also, to Joey and Matt for placing second in piano duo and duet! The concerts were fantastic and Joey enjoyed "the college life" for a week as he roomed with two sweet boys from our church, Cody and Andrew.We are so thankful this Thanksgiving for all of the generous offerings of food, prayers, cards, and thoughts for our family. May the Lord bless each of you and your families as you rest and enjoy this upcoming week of Thanksgiving!
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Seeing in NOT Believing
"On the evening of that day, the first day of the week, the doors being locked where the disciples were for fear of the Jews, Jesus came and stood among them and said to them, "Peace be with you." When he had said this, he showed them his hands and his side. Then the disciples were glad when they saw the Lord. Jesus said to them again, "Peace be with you. As the Father has sent me, even so I am sending you." And when he had said this, he breathed on them and said to them, "Receive the Holy Spirit...Now Thomas, one of the Twelve, called the Twin, was not with them when Jesus came. So the other disciples told him, "We have seen the Lord." But he said to them, "Unless I see in his hands the mark of the nails, and place my finger into the mark of the nails, and place my hand into his side, I will never believe. Eight days later, his disciples were inside again, and Thomas was with them. Although the doors were locked, Jesus came and stood among them and said, "Peace be with you." Then he said to Thomas, "Put your finger here, and see my hands; and put out your hand, and place it in my side. Do not disbelieve, but believe." Thomas answered him, "My Lord and my God!" Jesus said to him, "Have you believed because you have seen me? Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed." John 20:11-29
"Faith in antagonism to common sense is fanaticism, and common sense in antagonism to faith is rationalism. The life of faith brings the two into a right relation. Common sense is not faith, and faith is not common sense; they stand in the relation of the natural and the spiritual; of impulse and inspiration. Nothing Jesus Christ ever said is common sense, it a revelation sense and it reaches the shores where common sense fails. Faith must be tried before the reality of faith is actual. "We know that all things work together for good," then no matter what happens, the alchemy of God's providence transfigures the ideal faith into actual reality. Faith always works on the personal line, the whole purpose of God being to see that the ideal faith is made real in His children. For every detail of the common-sense life, there is a revelation fact of God whereby we can prove in practical experience what we believe God to be. Faith is a tremendously active principal which always puts Jesus Christ-Lord, Thou hast said so and so, it looks mad, but I am going to venture on Thy Word. To turn head faith into a personal possession is a fight always, not sometimes. God brings us into circumstances in order to educate our faith, because the nature of faith is to make its object real...Faith is the whole man rightly related to God by the power of the Spirit of Jesus Christ." From My Utmost for His Highest" by Oswald Chambers
I have been struggling with common sense and the spiritual since my last chemotherapy more than usual. As I look at the area where there is still cancer in the dermis of my skin, I want to SEE that this chemo is working. This recurrence of cancer has been difficult to diagnose with normal diagnostic tests and blood work. It has been "not easily seen" and more spread out. Leaving questions to be answered about what will follow this chemo when it is completed in December. I am like Thomas, "Unless I see...I will never believe". It strikes me that this lesson is so very important that the resurrected Jesus wants to drive home with Thomas. He has been raised from the dead and returns to finish His earthly ministry and leave His disciples prepared for the task of finishing their part of God's salvation plan, first for the Jews and then for the Gentiles. Before the first week has ended, he comes back to the disciples specifically to meet with Thomas and address his unbelief. How lovingly he brings Thomas back into focus and helps him to realize that the bigger blessing comes from this truth: "Believing is Seeing". Common sense turns that around and makes it the commonly heard phrase: "Seeing is Believing".
Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. For by it the people of old received their commendation. By faith we understand that the universe was created by the word of God, so that what is seen was not made out of things that are visible...And without faith it is impossible to please Him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him."
Hebrews 20:11:1-3, 6
At my last visit my cancer antigen markers went up from 14.5-19.1. It was 19.0 today. Dr. Go was not too concerned at the jump. Sometimes during chemo as the cancer cells are killed in large numbers, it can cause this number to spike. So we will continue to watch it over the new few weeks. I've had cold sore type places in my mouth and nose and will begin to take an antiviral medicine to help with this. This week my hemoglobin and white blood cell counts were both low. So I will be having a Neulasta shot on Friday with fluids to boost my white blood cell count. Last time I had it after all 6 rounds of chemo. This time I haven't needed it until now and will have it after each of my last 2 rounds, as well. It artificially stimulates bones in your body (mostly sternum and hip) to produce more white blood cells. This is painful, sort of like the pain of a spinal tap or epidural, especially when I lean over. I also have been noticing a mass or lump above the former tumor site, around the 4th rib under my left shoulder. Dr. Go has ordered an MRI for tomorrow night at 8:30. Hopefully we will have the results before Tuesday when Joe and I are going for my check-up with Dr. Rippon (surgeon).
It is so encouraging to me when so many of you tell me you are praying for me so much! It is times "in the valley" like I've had this week that the thought of all the intercession helps me to "rise on wings of faith".
I'd like to end with some excerpts from some of my favorite songs over the past few weeks.
"Still, my soul, be still, and do not fear though winds of change may rage tomorrow. God is at your side; no longer dread the fires of unexpected sorrow.
Still, my soul be still, do not be moved by lesser lights and fleeting shadows. Hold on to His ways, with shield of faith against temptations flaming arrows.
Still, my soul, be still, do not forsake the truth you learned in the beginning. Wait upon the Lord, and hope will rise as stars appear when days are dimming."
God you are my God. And I will trust in you and not be shaken. Lord of Peace renew a steadfast spirit within me to rest in You alone."
"One with the Father, Ancient of Days; through the Spirit who clothes faith with certainty. Honor and blessing, glory and praise to the King crowned with power and authority. And we are raised with Him.
Death is dead! Love has won! Christ has conquered!
And we will reign with Him; for He lives Christ is risen from the dead!"
"Faith in antagonism to common sense is fanaticism, and common sense in antagonism to faith is rationalism. The life of faith brings the two into a right relation. Common sense is not faith, and faith is not common sense; they stand in the relation of the natural and the spiritual; of impulse and inspiration. Nothing Jesus Christ ever said is common sense, it a revelation sense and it reaches the shores where common sense fails. Faith must be tried before the reality of faith is actual. "We know that all things work together for good," then no matter what happens, the alchemy of God's providence transfigures the ideal faith into actual reality. Faith always works on the personal line, the whole purpose of God being to see that the ideal faith is made real in His children. For every detail of the common-sense life, there is a revelation fact of God whereby we can prove in practical experience what we believe God to be. Faith is a tremendously active principal which always puts Jesus Christ-Lord, Thou hast said so and so, it looks mad, but I am going to venture on Thy Word. To turn head faith into a personal possession is a fight always, not sometimes. God brings us into circumstances in order to educate our faith, because the nature of faith is to make its object real...Faith is the whole man rightly related to God by the power of the Spirit of Jesus Christ." From My Utmost for His Highest" by Oswald Chambers
I have been struggling with common sense and the spiritual since my last chemotherapy more than usual. As I look at the area where there is still cancer in the dermis of my skin, I want to SEE that this chemo is working. This recurrence of cancer has been difficult to diagnose with normal diagnostic tests and blood work. It has been "not easily seen" and more spread out. Leaving questions to be answered about what will follow this chemo when it is completed in December. I am like Thomas, "Unless I see...I will never believe". It strikes me that this lesson is so very important that the resurrected Jesus wants to drive home with Thomas. He has been raised from the dead and returns to finish His earthly ministry and leave His disciples prepared for the task of finishing their part of God's salvation plan, first for the Jews and then for the Gentiles. Before the first week has ended, he comes back to the disciples specifically to meet with Thomas and address his unbelief. How lovingly he brings Thomas back into focus and helps him to realize that the bigger blessing comes from this truth: "Believing is Seeing". Common sense turns that around and makes it the commonly heard phrase: "Seeing is Believing".
Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. For by it the people of old received their commendation. By faith we understand that the universe was created by the word of God, so that what is seen was not made out of things that are visible...And without faith it is impossible to please Him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him."
Hebrews 20:11:1-3, 6
At my last visit my cancer antigen markers went up from 14.5-19.1. It was 19.0 today. Dr. Go was not too concerned at the jump. Sometimes during chemo as the cancer cells are killed in large numbers, it can cause this number to spike. So we will continue to watch it over the new few weeks. I've had cold sore type places in my mouth and nose and will begin to take an antiviral medicine to help with this. This week my hemoglobin and white blood cell counts were both low. So I will be having a Neulasta shot on Friday with fluids to boost my white blood cell count. Last time I had it after all 6 rounds of chemo. This time I haven't needed it until now and will have it after each of my last 2 rounds, as well. It artificially stimulates bones in your body (mostly sternum and hip) to produce more white blood cells. This is painful, sort of like the pain of a spinal tap or epidural, especially when I lean over. I also have been noticing a mass or lump above the former tumor site, around the 4th rib under my left shoulder. Dr. Go has ordered an MRI for tomorrow night at 8:30. Hopefully we will have the results before Tuesday when Joe and I are going for my check-up with Dr. Rippon (surgeon).
It is so encouraging to me when so many of you tell me you are praying for me so much! It is times "in the valley" like I've had this week that the thought of all the intercession helps me to "rise on wings of faith".
I'd like to end with some excerpts from some of my favorite songs over the past few weeks.
"Still, my soul, be still, and do not fear though winds of change may rage tomorrow. God is at your side; no longer dread the fires of unexpected sorrow.
Still, my soul be still, do not be moved by lesser lights and fleeting shadows. Hold on to His ways, with shield of faith against temptations flaming arrows.
Still, my soul, be still, do not forsake the truth you learned in the beginning. Wait upon the Lord, and hope will rise as stars appear when days are dimming."
God you are my God. And I will trust in you and not be shaken. Lord of Peace renew a steadfast spirit within me to rest in You alone."
"One with the Father, Ancient of Days; through the Spirit who clothes faith with certainty. Honor and blessing, glory and praise to the King crowned with power and authority. And we are raised with Him.
Death is dead! Love has won! Christ has conquered!
And we will reign with Him; for He lives Christ is risen from the dead!"
Saturday, October 8, 2011
"Restore me to health and make me live!"
October 8, 2011
"A writing, Hezekiah, King of Judah, after he has been sick and had recovered from his sickness:
I said, in the middle of my days I must depart;...I said, I shall not see the LORD, the LORD in the land of the living; I shall look on man no more among the inhabitants of the world...Like a weaver I have rolled up my life; he cuts me off from the loom; from day to night you bring me to an end; I calmed myself until morning; like a lion he breaks all my bones, from day to night you bring me to an end. Like a swallow...I chirp; I moan like a dove, my eyes are weary with looking upward. O LORD, I am oppressed; be my pledge of safety! What shall I say? For He has spoken to me, and He Himself has done it. I walk slowly all my years because of the bitterness of my soul. O LORD, by these things men live, and in all these is the life of the spirit. Oh, restore me to health and make me live! Behold, it was for my welfare that I had great bitterness; but in love you have delivered my life from the pit of destruction, for you have cast all my sins behind your back. For Sheol does not thank you; death does not praise you. Those who go down to the pit do not hope for your faithfulness. The living, the living, he thanks you, as I do this day...The Lord will save me." Excerpts from Isaiah 38:9-20
I have found much comfort from this passage this week as often I have thought, "from day to night you bring me to an end". I find comfort in being able to relate to Hezekiah's description of his illness and I find hope in his final words after he is healed, "The living, the living, he thanks you, as I do this day"!
Some of you have asked specifically how you could pray for me as I go through this 21 day cycle for 4 more rounds of chemo. So I thought I'd share what a typical cycle is like for me.
Day 1 and 2 of chemo, I feel relatively good because the premeds and other medications counteract the chemo and help with side effects. Days 3-10 are the most difficult. I have many side effects in my respiratory and digestive systems as the linings of these organs are raw from irritation. The chemo kills the top layer of skin cells and at least one underneath. This makes the tissues vulnerable, like an open wound, until my body goes through its natural cell regeneration cycle and is able to make new cells to protect it. Nausea, dehydration, and a chemical taste are always present. I cannot drink coffee because the linings of my mouth and throat are sensitive to hot food and drinks and the smell makes me nauseated. I have flu-like muscle and bone pain, heaviness in my limbs, and experience extreme fatigue and shortness of breath from the anemia. I have a higher risk of infection during this time. My fingers and toes are numb and some days the bottoms of my feet hurt. Sometimes one side effect will get better only to be replaced by another and sometimes, I have 3 or 4 hitting me all at once. It is a time of "doing the next thing" and pressing forward because I know that is what will get me to better days. I really feel the sustaining power of your prayer during these days.
Days 11-16 I feel better and I can eat better. I still have aches and exhaustion but I am able to go without naps when I get home from school. I can finally drink coffee again!! It is a time of catching up on things at work and at home. My memory always plagues me! Ironically, I don't remember being forgetful last time during chemo! I'm thankful for grace and patience from those around me as I struggle with this "chemo-brain".
Days 17-21 are when my "nesting instinct" kicks in and I stay busy trying to get everything lined up at school for my absences and at home because I know I will be feeling poorly.
This week I specifically ask for prayer in the following ways:
Infection-I am on an antibiotic for an upper respiratory infection. I have been and still am running a low grade fever. Pray that this antibiotic will boost my body’s response to this infection and I will be ready for my next chemo as scheduled.
Parent Conferences-20 in 4 days this week!!
Monday-P.T.A. Math and Science Night at school
Thursday-Joe, Joey, and I will be traveling to Columbia for a campus tour of U.S.C. and the Honors College. I have been looking forward to this for a long time and I covet your prayers for my strength. It involves a 2 hour walking tour!
On the lighter side, I have been wanted to give you a glimpse into my first 12 days back to school. So here it is: "The 12 Days Back to School" (to the tune of "The 12 Days of Christmas")
It's the 12th day back to school and what do I see?
12 exhausted parents! (We went on a field trip to the apple orchard and pumpkin patch. The first field trip always gives my parents an appreciation for my assistant and me and what we accomplish every day with 20 four year olds!)
11 cries for "Teacher"! (I do have a name! I don't call you "Student"!)
10 "Sad Notes" home! (For reasons such as talking incessantly at the wrong times, using our hands and feet to solve our problems instead of our words, not keeping our "5 Things" together: eyes on the teacher, ears open, mouth closed, hands on our laps, criss-cross applesauce, etc.)
9 runny noses (Praise God for Germ-X!)
8 kids on "green" lights! ("Green" lights are good! Halleluiah!)
7 shoes to tie! (Daily! Sometimes all the same shoe! I have one word for my parents-Velcro!)
6 days of rain! (NO RECESS!!)
5 calls to parents (Not for celebrating!)
4 parent conferences (Again-not for celebrating!)
3 toilet accidents (Sometimes all in one day!)
2 bumps on the head (Requiring ice and attention from Nurse Penny!)
And (ironically)...1 teacher who's glad to be back at school!
"A writing, Hezekiah, King of Judah, after he has been sick and had recovered from his sickness:
I said, in the middle of my days I must depart;...I said, I shall not see the LORD, the LORD in the land of the living; I shall look on man no more among the inhabitants of the world...Like a weaver I have rolled up my life; he cuts me off from the loom; from day to night you bring me to an end; I calmed myself until morning; like a lion he breaks all my bones, from day to night you bring me to an end. Like a swallow...I chirp; I moan like a dove, my eyes are weary with looking upward. O LORD, I am oppressed; be my pledge of safety! What shall I say? For He has spoken to me, and He Himself has done it. I walk slowly all my years because of the bitterness of my soul. O LORD, by these things men live, and in all these is the life of the spirit. Oh, restore me to health and make me live! Behold, it was for my welfare that I had great bitterness; but in love you have delivered my life from the pit of destruction, for you have cast all my sins behind your back. For Sheol does not thank you; death does not praise you. Those who go down to the pit do not hope for your faithfulness. The living, the living, he thanks you, as I do this day...The Lord will save me." Excerpts from Isaiah 38:9-20
I have found much comfort from this passage this week as often I have thought, "from day to night you bring me to an end". I find comfort in being able to relate to Hezekiah's description of his illness and I find hope in his final words after he is healed, "The living, the living, he thanks you, as I do this day"!
Some of you have asked specifically how you could pray for me as I go through this 21 day cycle for 4 more rounds of chemo. So I thought I'd share what a typical cycle is like for me.
Day 1 and 2 of chemo, I feel relatively good because the premeds and other medications counteract the chemo and help with side effects. Days 3-10 are the most difficult. I have many side effects in my respiratory and digestive systems as the linings of these organs are raw from irritation. The chemo kills the top layer of skin cells and at least one underneath. This makes the tissues vulnerable, like an open wound, until my body goes through its natural cell regeneration cycle and is able to make new cells to protect it. Nausea, dehydration, and a chemical taste are always present. I cannot drink coffee because the linings of my mouth and throat are sensitive to hot food and drinks and the smell makes me nauseated. I have flu-like muscle and bone pain, heaviness in my limbs, and experience extreme fatigue and shortness of breath from the anemia. I have a higher risk of infection during this time. My fingers and toes are numb and some days the bottoms of my feet hurt. Sometimes one side effect will get better only to be replaced by another and sometimes, I have 3 or 4 hitting me all at once. It is a time of "doing the next thing" and pressing forward because I know that is what will get me to better days. I really feel the sustaining power of your prayer during these days.
Days 11-16 I feel better and I can eat better. I still have aches and exhaustion but I am able to go without naps when I get home from school. I can finally drink coffee again!! It is a time of catching up on things at work and at home. My memory always plagues me! Ironically, I don't remember being forgetful last time during chemo! I'm thankful for grace and patience from those around me as I struggle with this "chemo-brain".
Days 17-21 are when my "nesting instinct" kicks in and I stay busy trying to get everything lined up at school for my absences and at home because I know I will be feeling poorly.
This week I specifically ask for prayer in the following ways:
Infection-I am on an antibiotic for an upper respiratory infection. I have been and still am running a low grade fever. Pray that this antibiotic will boost my body’s response to this infection and I will be ready for my next chemo as scheduled.
Parent Conferences-20 in 4 days this week!!
Monday-P.T.A. Math and Science Night at school
Thursday-Joe, Joey, and I will be traveling to Columbia for a campus tour of U.S.C. and the Honors College. I have been looking forward to this for a long time and I covet your prayers for my strength. It involves a 2 hour walking tour!
On the lighter side, I have been wanted to give you a glimpse into my first 12 days back to school. So here it is: "The 12 Days Back to School" (to the tune of "The 12 Days of Christmas")
It's the 12th day back to school and what do I see?
12 exhausted parents! (We went on a field trip to the apple orchard and pumpkin patch. The first field trip always gives my parents an appreciation for my assistant and me and what we accomplish every day with 20 four year olds!)
11 cries for "Teacher"! (I do have a name! I don't call you "Student"!)
10 "Sad Notes" home! (For reasons such as talking incessantly at the wrong times, using our hands and feet to solve our problems instead of our words, not keeping our "5 Things" together: eyes on the teacher, ears open, mouth closed, hands on our laps, criss-cross applesauce, etc.)
9 runny noses (Praise God for Germ-X!)
8 kids on "green" lights! ("Green" lights are good! Halleluiah!)
7 shoes to tie! (Daily! Sometimes all the same shoe! I have one word for my parents-Velcro!)
6 days of rain! (NO RECESS!!)
5 calls to parents (Not for celebrating!)
4 parent conferences (Again-not for celebrating!)
3 toilet accidents (Sometimes all in one day!)
2 bumps on the head (Requiring ice and attention from Nurse Penny!)
And (ironically)...1 teacher who's glad to be back at school!
Friday, September 30, 2011
Blessed Beyond Measure
“Give and it will be given to you. Good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap. For with the measure you use it will be measured back to you.”
Luke 6:38
Our family has been blessed beyond measure from the generosity, prayers, hospitality, and support of all our friends, family, and co-workers. Our blessings are truly "pressed down, shaken together" and "running over". We continue to receive wonderful home-cooked meals or restaurant gift cards, numerous cards of encouragement and prayers for our family, and financial blessings. Just going to work every day is uplifting as I continually have so many smiling co-workers with words of encouragement. Many people say they don't see how I am able to work. I always answer that I don't see how I would make it without working. Those 7 hours keep me grounded and occupied and offer many opportunities to give praise to the Lord for all of his many blessings.
"Every day I will bless You, and I will praise Your name forever and ever. Great is the Lord, and greatly to be praised; and His greatness in unsearchable." Psalm 145:2-3
"Almighty God, You have promised, "As your days, so shall your strength be" (Deut. 33:25). I praise You that You know what is ahead of me today and will provide me with exactly what I need each hour and in each circumstance. I relax in the knowledge that You neither will be surprised by what evolves, not incapable of sustaining me in any eventualities.
Thank You, in advance, for giving me the strength I'll need for this day. Therefore, I will resist the temptation to be anxious or worry over whether I will have what it takes. Instead, I will receive what You have offered: wisdom for my decisions, love for my relationships, hope for my discouraging experiences, replenishing energy for my tired times, and renewed vision for my down moments.
I dedicate this day to You, Lord. Protect me from the pride that supposes I can make it on my own, and the vanity that presumes I can take care of my own needs. Help me to walk more closely with You in a way that enables others to see the wondrous work You can do in a life fully submitted to You."
Dr. Lloyd Ogilvie
Luke 6:38
Our family has been blessed beyond measure from the generosity, prayers, hospitality, and support of all our friends, family, and co-workers. Our blessings are truly "pressed down, shaken together" and "running over". We continue to receive wonderful home-cooked meals or restaurant gift cards, numerous cards of encouragement and prayers for our family, and financial blessings. Just going to work every day is uplifting as I continually have so many smiling co-workers with words of encouragement. Many people say they don't see how I am able to work. I always answer that I don't see how I would make it without working. Those 7 hours keep me grounded and occupied and offer many opportunities to give praise to the Lord for all of his many blessings.
"Every day I will bless You, and I will praise Your name forever and ever. Great is the Lord, and greatly to be praised; and His greatness in unsearchable." Psalm 145:2-3
"Almighty God, You have promised, "As your days, so shall your strength be" (Deut. 33:25). I praise You that You know what is ahead of me today and will provide me with exactly what I need each hour and in each circumstance. I relax in the knowledge that You neither will be surprised by what evolves, not incapable of sustaining me in any eventualities.
Thank You, in advance, for giving me the strength I'll need for this day. Therefore, I will resist the temptation to be anxious or worry over whether I will have what it takes. Instead, I will receive what You have offered: wisdom for my decisions, love for my relationships, hope for my discouraging experiences, replenishing energy for my tired times, and renewed vision for my down moments.
I dedicate this day to You, Lord. Protect me from the pride that supposes I can make it on my own, and the vanity that presumes I can take care of my own needs. Help me to walk more closely with You in a way that enables others to see the wondrous work You can do in a life fully submitted to You."
Dr. Lloyd Ogilvie
Saturday, September 17, 2011
Fall Friday Soccer and Saturday Pancakes
I made it through the first week back to school. Thanks for all the prayers! They were a necessity. Ending this week with a HPCS Soccer "redemption win" over Providence was sweet! As sweet as the pancakes I felt like making this morning.
The nausea for me is like Much-Afraid's guide, Suffering. It is always there. I try to drink and eat frequently to help. I was able to come home and rest in the afternoons, then get up to finish up the day here at home. I'm hoping that next week will hold better days as for as side effects. We are going to Niven's Apple Orchard on Thursday, so pray really hard that day!
My blood counts were expectantly low, but not too low. My potassium was low so I am now taking supplements twice daily. They will check my counts again on Sept. 27 and if they are back up, they will proceed with Chemo #2 at full strength on Thursday, Sept. 29.
Several of you have mentioned that you can't comment on my blog. It has been messed up for a long time, so if you want to message me through facebook, that would be encouraging.
Teresa Caldwell has set up a meal website link to help with meals during my chemotherapy treatments. The link is: http://www.takethemameal.com/meals.php?t=BFIE3138
Thanks for all of the prayers and support!
The nausea for me is like Much-Afraid's guide, Suffering. It is always there. I try to drink and eat frequently to help. I was able to come home and rest in the afternoons, then get up to finish up the day here at home. I'm hoping that next week will hold better days as for as side effects. We are going to Niven's Apple Orchard on Thursday, so pray really hard that day!
My blood counts were expectantly low, but not too low. My potassium was low so I am now taking supplements twice daily. They will check my counts again on Sept. 27 and if they are back up, they will proceed with Chemo #2 at full strength on Thursday, Sept. 29.
Several of you have mentioned that you can't comment on my blog. It has been messed up for a long time, so if you want to message me through facebook, that would be encouraging.
Teresa Caldwell has set up a meal website link to help with meals during my chemotherapy treatments. The link is: http://www.takethemameal.com/meals.php?t=BFIE3138
Thanks for all of the prayers and support!
Sunday, September 11, 2011
"For He will give His Angels Charge Over You"
September 11, 2011
"For He will give His angels charge over you to accompany and defend and preserve you in all your ways. They shall bear you up on their hands, lest you dash your foot against a stone."
Psalm 91:11-12
"Follow me one step at a time. That is all I require of you. In fact, that is the only way to move through this space/time world." Taken from 40 Days with Jesus by Sarah Young
One chemo down and 5 to go. The side-effects so far are to be expected: nausea, joint pain, heartburn, metallic taste, etc. I did not have any reactions to the new chemo drugs, so that was a blessing. I will begin each time with premeds to help decrease the risk of a reaction (Benadryl, Aloxi, Zantac, Decadron, and Emend). That took about 1 and half hours. Then Herceptin for 90 minutes (that is the chemo I had for 17 treatments after my chemo in 2009). Pray for my heart function to stay up while I am on this drug. Then they ran the Taxol for 2 hours. It is similar to the Taxotere I had in 2009. Then finally the Carboplatin for about an hour. My port worked perfectly and should heal a little slower than normal because of the chemo. I went back for fluids on Saturday and will be returning to work tomorrow. It will be a long day with students I've only met once this year and Open House tomorrow night.
Thanks for all of your prayers and practical deeds for our family.
"For He will give His angels charge over you to accompany and defend and preserve you in all your ways. They shall bear you up on their hands, lest you dash your foot against a stone."
Psalm 91:11-12
"Follow me one step at a time. That is all I require of you. In fact, that is the only way to move through this space/time world." Taken from 40 Days with Jesus by Sarah Young
One chemo down and 5 to go. The side-effects so far are to be expected: nausea, joint pain, heartburn, metallic taste, etc. I did not have any reactions to the new chemo drugs, so that was a blessing. I will begin each time with premeds to help decrease the risk of a reaction (Benadryl, Aloxi, Zantac, Decadron, and Emend). That took about 1 and half hours. Then Herceptin for 90 minutes (that is the chemo I had for 17 treatments after my chemo in 2009). Pray for my heart function to stay up while I am on this drug. Then they ran the Taxol for 2 hours. It is similar to the Taxotere I had in 2009. Then finally the Carboplatin for about an hour. My port worked perfectly and should heal a little slower than normal because of the chemo. I went back for fluids on Saturday and will be returning to work tomorrow. It will be a long day with students I've only met once this year and Open House tomorrow night.
Thanks for all of your prayers and practical deeds for our family.
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Hinds' Feet on High Places
September 7, 2011
I have recently begun to reread "Hinds' Feet on High Places" by Hannah Hurnard. It is a wonderful allegory of God's Love for us as he leads us to the "High Places". Here is one excerpt that especially fit my circumstances this week"
"Shepherd", she said despairingly, "I can't understand this. The guides you sent me (Sorrow and Suffering) say that we must go down there into that desert, turning right away from the High Places altogether. You don't mean that, do you? You can't contradict yourself. Tell them we are not to go there, and show us another way. Make a way for us Shepherd, as you promised."
He looked at her and answered very gently, "This is the path, Much-Afraid, and you are to go down there."
"Oh, no," she cried. "You can't mean it. You said if I would trust you, you would bring me to the High Places, and that path leads right away from them. It contradicts all that you promised."
"No," said the Shepherd, 'it is not a contradiction, only postponement for the best to become possible."
Much-Afraid felt as though he has stabbed her in the heart. "You mean," she said incredulously, "you really mean that I am to follow that path down and down into that wilderness and then over to that desert, away from the mountains indefinitely? Why" (and there was a sob of anguish in her voice) "it may be months, even years, before that path leads back to the mountains again. O Shepherd, do you mean it is indefinite postponement?"
He bowed his head silently, and Much-Afraid sank on her knees at his feet, almost overwhelmed. He was leading her away from her heart's desire altogether and gave no promise at all as to when he would bring her back. As she looked out over what seemed like an endless desert, the only path she could see led farther and farther away from the High Places, and it was all desert.
Then he answered very quietly, "Much-Afraid, do you love me enough to accept the postponement and the apparent contradiction of the promise, and to go down there with me into the desert?"
She was still crouching at his feet, sobbing as if her heart would break, but now she looked up through her tears, caught his hand in hers, and said, trembling, "I do love you; you know that I love you. Oh, forgive me because I can't help my tears. I will go down with you into the wilderness, right away from the promise, if you really wish it. Even if you cannot tell me why it has to be, I will go with you, for you know I do love you, and you have the right to choose for me anything that you please."...
They reached the desert surprisingly quickly, because, although the path was very steep indeed, Much-Afraid was leaning on the Shepherd, and did not feel her weakness of all...
"Much-Afraid," he said, "all of my servants on their way to the High Places have had to make this detour through the desert. It is called "The furnace of Egypt, and an horror of great darkness" (Gen. 15:12.17) Here they have learned many things which otherwise they would have known nothing about...
"Fear not, Much-Afraid, to go down into Egypt; for I will there make of thee a great nation; I will go down with thee into Egypt; and I will also surely bring thee up again" (Gen. 46:3)...
The Shepherd said, "In Egypt, too, I fashion my fairest and finest vessels and bring forth instruments for my work, according as I see fit" (Jer. 18). Then he smiled and added, "Cannot I do with you, Much-Afraid, as this potter? Behold, as the clay is in the hand of the potter so are you in my hand" (Jer. 18:6)...
On the last morning she was walking...when in a lonely corner behind a wall she came upon a little golden-yellow flower, growing all alone...An old pipe was connected to a water tank. In the pipe was one tiny hole through which came an occasional drop of water. Where the drops fell one by one, there grew the little golden flower...She stopped over the lonely, lovely little golden face, lifted up so hopefully and so bravely to the feeble drip, and cried softly, "What is your name, little flower, for I never saw one like you before."
The tiny plant answered at once in a tone as golden as itself, "Behold me! My name is Acceptance-With-Joy."
Much-Afraid thought of the things which she had seen in the pyramid: the threshing-floor, and the whirring wheel and the fiery furnace. Somehow the answer of the little golden flower which grew all alone in the waste of the desert stole into her heart and echoed there faintly but sweetly, filling her with comfort. She said to herself, "He has brought me here when I did not want to come for his own purpose. I, too, will look up into his face and say, "Behold me! I am thy little handmaiden Acceptance with Joy."
I was able to go to church on Sunday. The message from Luke 8 was concerning faith: desperate, imperfect, and tried. Here is the link for the message: http://www.hamptonpark.org/blog/33-sunday-meetings/292-so-feeble-a-faith-so-great-a-savior
I began Tuesday with desperate faith. I fasted and waited to hear if the Lord would answer my prayer and allow my appointments to be changed so that I could get my port placed and begin my chemotherapy on Thursday as I had planned. After many phone calls, the end result was port placement on Thursday, chemo on Friday, and fluids on Saturday. I prayed that God would honor my desperate faith and on the surface, from a worldly standpoint, I felt He had not. I was little “Much-Afraid” seeing the desert before her and not understanding the postponing of a promise.
My faith needed to be tried. According to my limited understanding, I could see only one answer to that prayer: my answer. I had imperfect faith and God had to speak those same words to me as he did the bleeding woman, “Daughter, your faith has made you well.” Having my chemotherapy one or two days earlier is not what will heal me. It is my desperate, imperfect, and tried faith in a Sovereign God who never fails.
I have recently begun to reread "Hinds' Feet on High Places" by Hannah Hurnard. It is a wonderful allegory of God's Love for us as he leads us to the "High Places". Here is one excerpt that especially fit my circumstances this week"
"Shepherd", she said despairingly, "I can't understand this. The guides you sent me (Sorrow and Suffering) say that we must go down there into that desert, turning right away from the High Places altogether. You don't mean that, do you? You can't contradict yourself. Tell them we are not to go there, and show us another way. Make a way for us Shepherd, as you promised."
He looked at her and answered very gently, "This is the path, Much-Afraid, and you are to go down there."
"Oh, no," she cried. "You can't mean it. You said if I would trust you, you would bring me to the High Places, and that path leads right away from them. It contradicts all that you promised."
"No," said the Shepherd, 'it is not a contradiction, only postponement for the best to become possible."
Much-Afraid felt as though he has stabbed her in the heart. "You mean," she said incredulously, "you really mean that I am to follow that path down and down into that wilderness and then over to that desert, away from the mountains indefinitely? Why" (and there was a sob of anguish in her voice) "it may be months, even years, before that path leads back to the mountains again. O Shepherd, do you mean it is indefinite postponement?"
He bowed his head silently, and Much-Afraid sank on her knees at his feet, almost overwhelmed. He was leading her away from her heart's desire altogether and gave no promise at all as to when he would bring her back. As she looked out over what seemed like an endless desert, the only path she could see led farther and farther away from the High Places, and it was all desert.
Then he answered very quietly, "Much-Afraid, do you love me enough to accept the postponement and the apparent contradiction of the promise, and to go down there with me into the desert?"
She was still crouching at his feet, sobbing as if her heart would break, but now she looked up through her tears, caught his hand in hers, and said, trembling, "I do love you; you know that I love you. Oh, forgive me because I can't help my tears. I will go down with you into the wilderness, right away from the promise, if you really wish it. Even if you cannot tell me why it has to be, I will go with you, for you know I do love you, and you have the right to choose for me anything that you please."...
They reached the desert surprisingly quickly, because, although the path was very steep indeed, Much-Afraid was leaning on the Shepherd, and did not feel her weakness of all...
"Much-Afraid," he said, "all of my servants on their way to the High Places have had to make this detour through the desert. It is called "The furnace of Egypt, and an horror of great darkness" (Gen. 15:12.17) Here they have learned many things which otherwise they would have known nothing about...
"Fear not, Much-Afraid, to go down into Egypt; for I will there make of thee a great nation; I will go down with thee into Egypt; and I will also surely bring thee up again" (Gen. 46:3)...
The Shepherd said, "In Egypt, too, I fashion my fairest and finest vessels and bring forth instruments for my work, according as I see fit" (Jer. 18). Then he smiled and added, "Cannot I do with you, Much-Afraid, as this potter? Behold, as the clay is in the hand of the potter so are you in my hand" (Jer. 18:6)...
On the last morning she was walking...when in a lonely corner behind a wall she came upon a little golden-yellow flower, growing all alone...An old pipe was connected to a water tank. In the pipe was one tiny hole through which came an occasional drop of water. Where the drops fell one by one, there grew the little golden flower...She stopped over the lonely, lovely little golden face, lifted up so hopefully and so bravely to the feeble drip, and cried softly, "What is your name, little flower, for I never saw one like you before."
The tiny plant answered at once in a tone as golden as itself, "Behold me! My name is Acceptance-With-Joy."
Much-Afraid thought of the things which she had seen in the pyramid: the threshing-floor, and the whirring wheel and the fiery furnace. Somehow the answer of the little golden flower which grew all alone in the waste of the desert stole into her heart and echoed there faintly but sweetly, filling her with comfort. She said to herself, "He has brought me here when I did not want to come for his own purpose. I, too, will look up into his face and say, "Behold me! I am thy little handmaiden Acceptance with Joy."
I was able to go to church on Sunday. The message from Luke 8 was concerning faith: desperate, imperfect, and tried. Here is the link for the message: http://www.hamptonpark.org/blog/33-sunday-meetings/292-so-feeble-a-faith-so-great-a-savior
I began Tuesday with desperate faith. I fasted and waited to hear if the Lord would answer my prayer and allow my appointments to be changed so that I could get my port placed and begin my chemotherapy on Thursday as I had planned. After many phone calls, the end result was port placement on Thursday, chemo on Friday, and fluids on Saturday. I prayed that God would honor my desperate faith and on the surface, from a worldly standpoint, I felt He had not. I was little “Much-Afraid” seeing the desert before her and not understanding the postponing of a promise.
My faith needed to be tried. According to my limited understanding, I could see only one answer to that prayer: my answer. I had imperfect faith and God had to speak those same words to me as he did the bleeding woman, “Daughter, your faith has made you well.” Having my chemotherapy one or two days earlier is not what will heal me. It is my desperate, imperfect, and tried faith in a Sovereign God who never fails.
Friday, September 2, 2011
"This Present Darkness"
September 3, 2011 "Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. Put on the whole armor of God that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm...In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one, and take up the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints, and also for me, that words may be given to me in opening my mouth boldly to proclaim the mystery of the gospel...that I may declare it boldly, as I ought to speak."
Ephesians 6:10-13, 16-20
How true are these words in all of our lives? There are spiritual forces of evil at work in heavenly places, trying their best to thwart God's purposes in "this present darkness". But this passage reminds me to be strong in the power of His might, take up His shield of faith against these flaming darts, use the Sword of His word as a weapon, to persevere, to pray continually not only for myself but for all the saints, and to declare boldly the gospel of Christ as I ought to speak. There is another aspect for us as you pray for me and I pray for y0u..."that words may be given to me in opening my mouth boldly to proclaim the mystery of the gospel."As we entered the Cancer Center yesterday, we could immediately tell it was no normal day. It was Crazy Hat Day for the staff, one of their many efforts to bring humor into what could be a dismal environment. Somehow it made discussing chemotherapy a little easier when your doctor is wearing a multi-colored beanie with a propeller on top (Dr. Go loves airplanes and secretly desires to be a pilot)! Last week, the nurses were singing the theme from the Brady Bunch in the waiting area when we arrived. It truly is a special place there and I enjoy the mental and spiritual encouragement I receive from all who work there.
It was apparent by the end of the day that we were battling some "flaming darts" in the form of inadequacies within the medical staff at one office. Last week Joe and I sat in Dr. Go's office discussing ports. I already had an appointment with another surgeon but specifically asked for Dr. Young, who is a Christian and has prayed with me as he put in and removed my other port. Dr. Go's nurse called him immediately and set up an appointment to have the port installed yesterday at 3:20 in his office. I even called their office 2 times this week to verify that it would be office surgery-not outpatient. I thought this a little odd, since before they did it as out-patient, but she assured me I was scheduled. I even called someone from the Cancer Center to check on pre-authorization from my insurance company. So we waited 2 hours in Dr. Young's office after we finished at the Cancer Center, only to be told that Dr. Young only puts ports in during out-patient surgery. The only way you could explain such gross breakdown of communication is "spiritual forces of evil in heavenly places." I chose to have a Christian surgeon and there was a battle that followed. They felt horribly that the miscommunication had occurred and I proceeded with the necessary office visit to get ready for outpatient surgery next week. Dr. Young prayed with me using these very verses and prayed "in Jesus' Name" that the devil would be bound up and these cancer treatments would completely heal me. Due to the Labor Day holiday, he is slammed full Tuesday and Wednesday. My first chemotherapy is scheduled for Thursday. He told me he could put the port in on Thursday morning and I could be at the Cancer Center for chemo in the afternoon. If this is the Lord's will, He will give me strength and grace to do these in the same day. But I am asking all to pray that as I call Dr. Go's office at 8:00 on Tuesday; they will be able to convince Dr. Young to squeeze me into his Tuesday or Wednesday schedule. "We have not, because we ask not." Join our family as we ask the Lord for this to be worked out according to His will.I will begin my chemotherapy next Thursday, September 8. I will go back the next day for fluids to prevent dehydration and nausea. I will be using 2 new drugs, similar to the ones I've previously had, but a little different in case the cancer has built up immunity to them. And I will have Herceptin, which I have had 17 treatments of before, but never simultaneously with other chemo drugs. As always, there are risks of heart problems, lower blood counts, and other reactions, so I will appreciate your intense prayers for us all as I begin this journey and return to work on Monday, September 12. I will have chemo every 3 weeks for 6 rounds. Side effects should be fairly similar to before. I'll probably lose my hair around 2 or 3 weeks from next Thursday. Last time it was exactly 2 weeks to the day from my first treatment. I still have my "perfect hair day" "cranial prosthesis" (or in laymen's terms-my wig!) It is ready to go!
I praise the Lord for his providential work in circumstances surrounding my medical leave this week. I've recently been reading the Old Testament stories of Esther, Daniel, Nehemiah and others. In every story the Lord used His power and Spirit to influence the decisions of people in authority who in most cases did not even know or recognize Him as the One True God. I claimed this promise in my dealings with these trying situations this week and He marvelously answered my prayer. My paperwork has been approved to this point and I trust any issues that may arise from this point on will also be resolved. Thanks so much for all of the meals, gift cards, cards, and mostly, your prayers! We are truly blessed!
Ephesians 6:10-13, 16-20
How true are these words in all of our lives? There are spiritual forces of evil at work in heavenly places, trying their best to thwart God's purposes in "this present darkness". But this passage reminds me to be strong in the power of His might, take up His shield of faith against these flaming darts, use the Sword of His word as a weapon, to persevere, to pray continually not only for myself but for all the saints, and to declare boldly the gospel of Christ as I ought to speak. There is another aspect for us as you pray for me and I pray for y0u..."that words may be given to me in opening my mouth boldly to proclaim the mystery of the gospel."As we entered the Cancer Center yesterday, we could immediately tell it was no normal day. It was Crazy Hat Day for the staff, one of their many efforts to bring humor into what could be a dismal environment. Somehow it made discussing chemotherapy a little easier when your doctor is wearing a multi-colored beanie with a propeller on top (Dr. Go loves airplanes and secretly desires to be a pilot)! Last week, the nurses were singing the theme from the Brady Bunch in the waiting area when we arrived. It truly is a special place there and I enjoy the mental and spiritual encouragement I receive from all who work there.
It was apparent by the end of the day that we were battling some "flaming darts" in the form of inadequacies within the medical staff at one office. Last week Joe and I sat in Dr. Go's office discussing ports. I already had an appointment with another surgeon but specifically asked for Dr. Young, who is a Christian and has prayed with me as he put in and removed my other port. Dr. Go's nurse called him immediately and set up an appointment to have the port installed yesterday at 3:20 in his office. I even called their office 2 times this week to verify that it would be office surgery-not outpatient. I thought this a little odd, since before they did it as out-patient, but she assured me I was scheduled. I even called someone from the Cancer Center to check on pre-authorization from my insurance company. So we waited 2 hours in Dr. Young's office after we finished at the Cancer Center, only to be told that Dr. Young only puts ports in during out-patient surgery. The only way you could explain such gross breakdown of communication is "spiritual forces of evil in heavenly places." I chose to have a Christian surgeon and there was a battle that followed. They felt horribly that the miscommunication had occurred and I proceeded with the necessary office visit to get ready for outpatient surgery next week. Dr. Young prayed with me using these very verses and prayed "in Jesus' Name" that the devil would be bound up and these cancer treatments would completely heal me. Due to the Labor Day holiday, he is slammed full Tuesday and Wednesday. My first chemotherapy is scheduled for Thursday. He told me he could put the port in on Thursday morning and I could be at the Cancer Center for chemo in the afternoon. If this is the Lord's will, He will give me strength and grace to do these in the same day. But I am asking all to pray that as I call Dr. Go's office at 8:00 on Tuesday; they will be able to convince Dr. Young to squeeze me into his Tuesday or Wednesday schedule. "We have not, because we ask not." Join our family as we ask the Lord for this to be worked out according to His will.I will begin my chemotherapy next Thursday, September 8. I will go back the next day for fluids to prevent dehydration and nausea. I will be using 2 new drugs, similar to the ones I've previously had, but a little different in case the cancer has built up immunity to them. And I will have Herceptin, which I have had 17 treatments of before, but never simultaneously with other chemo drugs. As always, there are risks of heart problems, lower blood counts, and other reactions, so I will appreciate your intense prayers for us all as I begin this journey and return to work on Monday, September 12. I will have chemo every 3 weeks for 6 rounds. Side effects should be fairly similar to before. I'll probably lose my hair around 2 or 3 weeks from next Thursday. Last time it was exactly 2 weeks to the day from my first treatment. I still have my "perfect hair day" "cranial prosthesis" (or in laymen's terms-my wig!) It is ready to go!
I praise the Lord for his providential work in circumstances surrounding my medical leave this week. I've recently been reading the Old Testament stories of Esther, Daniel, Nehemiah and others. In every story the Lord used His power and Spirit to influence the decisions of people in authority who in most cases did not even know or recognize Him as the One True God. I claimed this promise in my dealings with these trying situations this week and He marvelously answered my prayer. My paperwork has been approved to this point and I trust any issues that may arise from this point on will also be resolved. Thanks so much for all of the meals, gift cards, cards, and mostly, your prayers! We are truly blessed!
Sunday, August 28, 2011
"My peace I give unto you"
August 28, 2011
"Peace I leave with you, My peace I give unto you." John 12:27
"There are times when our peace is based upon ignorance, but when we awaken to the facts of life, inner peace is impossible unless it is received from Jesus. When Our Lord speaks peace, He makes peace, His words are ever "spirit and life." Have I ever received what Jesus speaks? "My peace I give unto you"-it is peace which comes from looking in His face and realizing His undisturbedness.
Are you painfully disturbed just now, distracted by the waves and billows of God's providential permission, and having, as it were, turned over the boulders of your belief, are you still finding no well of peace or joy or comfort; is all barren? Then look up and receive the undisturbedness of the Lord Jesus. Reflected peace is the proof that you are right with God because you are at liberty to turn your mind to Him...Are you looking unto Jesus now, in the immediate matter that is pressing and receiving from Him peace? If so, He will be a glorious benediction of peace in and through you. But if you try to worry it out, you obliterate Him and deserve all you get. We get disturbed because we have not been considering Him. When one confers with Jesus Christ, the perplexity goes, because He has no perplexity, and our only concern is to abide in Him. Lay it all out before Him, and in the face of difficulty, bereavement, and sorrow, hear Him say, "Let not your heart be troubled." Oswald Chambers
This was my devotion for August 26. I wrestled with the facts facing me that day and the truths of what it had to say about peace and then I rested and prepared to meet with my oncologist that afternoon.
The doctor's words to me as he came in to discuss my situation were, "What kind of chill pill are you on?!" Reflected peace from Jesus!
This is only one of many times the Lord has given me to bring glory to His name and to what He is doing in my life. I wish I could say that this peace is mine every minute of the day, but it is a struggle and I appreciate your continued and needed prayers more than you know.
In light of the fact that Dr. Rippon was not able to get "clear margins" (get all of the cancer) in the tissue and the skin, and because it was in the lymphatic’s system to some degree, there is a possibility that the cancer cells have traveled other places in my body. According to the PET scan, no large areas of accumulation have been found, which is a blessing. But there is no test to measure small traces spread out over large areas. So we have to aggressively treat this cancer. I will get a port installed on Friday, Sept. 2 and most likely begin chemotherapy on Sept. 7. Dr. Gococo is still deciding on which chemo meds to use, but they will “pack a punch” and be as hard as he can hit me without doing damage in other places. I will most likely try to start back to work the following Monday, Sept. 12 and work in between rounds of chemo like I did in 2009.
I have a few days this week to continue to heal from surgery, get Anna ready for the HPCS Jr. High trip to the Wilds Camp, get some things at school taken care of, and prepare for chemo.
Please pray for my body to be strong and my spirit to remain steadfast.
"Peace I leave with you, My peace I give unto you." John 12:27
"There are times when our peace is based upon ignorance, but when we awaken to the facts of life, inner peace is impossible unless it is received from Jesus. When Our Lord speaks peace, He makes peace, His words are ever "spirit and life." Have I ever received what Jesus speaks? "My peace I give unto you"-it is peace which comes from looking in His face and realizing His undisturbedness.
Are you painfully disturbed just now, distracted by the waves and billows of God's providential permission, and having, as it were, turned over the boulders of your belief, are you still finding no well of peace or joy or comfort; is all barren? Then look up and receive the undisturbedness of the Lord Jesus. Reflected peace is the proof that you are right with God because you are at liberty to turn your mind to Him...Are you looking unto Jesus now, in the immediate matter that is pressing and receiving from Him peace? If so, He will be a glorious benediction of peace in and through you. But if you try to worry it out, you obliterate Him and deserve all you get. We get disturbed because we have not been considering Him. When one confers with Jesus Christ, the perplexity goes, because He has no perplexity, and our only concern is to abide in Him. Lay it all out before Him, and in the face of difficulty, bereavement, and sorrow, hear Him say, "Let not your heart be troubled." Oswald Chambers
This was my devotion for August 26. I wrestled with the facts facing me that day and the truths of what it had to say about peace and then I rested and prepared to meet with my oncologist that afternoon.
The doctor's words to me as he came in to discuss my situation were, "What kind of chill pill are you on?!" Reflected peace from Jesus!
This is only one of many times the Lord has given me to bring glory to His name and to what He is doing in my life. I wish I could say that this peace is mine every minute of the day, but it is a struggle and I appreciate your continued and needed prayers more than you know.
In light of the fact that Dr. Rippon was not able to get "clear margins" (get all of the cancer) in the tissue and the skin, and because it was in the lymphatic’s system to some degree, there is a possibility that the cancer cells have traveled other places in my body. According to the PET scan, no large areas of accumulation have been found, which is a blessing. But there is no test to measure small traces spread out over large areas. So we have to aggressively treat this cancer. I will get a port installed on Friday, Sept. 2 and most likely begin chemotherapy on Sept. 7. Dr. Gococo is still deciding on which chemo meds to use, but they will “pack a punch” and be as hard as he can hit me without doing damage in other places. I will most likely try to start back to work the following Monday, Sept. 12 and work in between rounds of chemo like I did in 2009.
I have a few days this week to continue to heal from surgery, get Anna ready for the HPCS Jr. High trip to the Wilds Camp, get some things at school taken care of, and prepare for chemo.
Please pray for my body to be strong and my spirit to remain steadfast.
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Going Home!
August 18, 2011
We are packing up and getting ready to go home. I'm to the point where my pain is manageable and I'm ready to be home! I will discuss treatment options with Dr. Rippon at my post-op appointment on Tuesday. Thanks for your prayers!
"There is a connection between the strange providences of God and what we know of Him, and we have to learn to interpret the mysteries of life in the light of our knowledge of God. Unless we can look the darkest, blackest fact full in the face without damaging God's character, we do not yet know Him." Oswald Chambers
We are packing up and getting ready to go home. I'm to the point where my pain is manageable and I'm ready to be home! I will discuss treatment options with Dr. Rippon at my post-op appointment on Tuesday. Thanks for your prayers!
"There is a connection between the strange providences of God and what we know of Him, and we have to learn to interpret the mysteries of life in the light of our knowledge of God. Unless we can look the darkest, blackest fact full in the face without damaging God's character, we do not yet know Him." Oswald Chambers
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Still, My Soul, Be Still
August 17, 2011
"Still, my soul, be still, and do not fear though winds of change may rage tomorrow. God is at your side; no longer dread the fires of unexpected sorrow.
(Chorus) God, You are my God, and I will trust in you and not be shaken. Lord of peace renew a steadfast spirit within me to rest in You alone, to rest in You alone.
Still, my soul, be still, do not be moved by lesser lights and fleeting shadows. Hold on to His ways, with shield of faith against temptation's flaming arrows.
Still, my soul, be still, do not forsake the truth you learned in the beginning. Wait upon the Lord, and hope will rise as stars appear when day is dimming."
Surgery went well yesterday and Joe and I are settling in to our room at Greenville Memorial. I will stay one more night and hopefully come home tomorrow afternoon. They were able to remove everything except for some skin that tested positive for cancer. It could've required a skin graph to close it up, so she decided against taking all of it. Joe and I will speak with doctors next week. There is a chance they may want me to do some radiation on the skin and maybe some chemo (Herceptin). This is discouraging for me, but not to God!
Thank you so much for all the thoughts, prayers, food, cards, and kind words.
"Still, my soul, be still, and do not fear though winds of change may rage tomorrow. God is at your side; no longer dread the fires of unexpected sorrow.
(Chorus) God, You are my God, and I will trust in you and not be shaken. Lord of peace renew a steadfast spirit within me to rest in You alone, to rest in You alone.
Still, my soul, be still, do not be moved by lesser lights and fleeting shadows. Hold on to His ways, with shield of faith against temptation's flaming arrows.
Still, my soul, be still, do not forsake the truth you learned in the beginning. Wait upon the Lord, and hope will rise as stars appear when day is dimming."
Surgery went well yesterday and Joe and I are settling in to our room at Greenville Memorial. I will stay one more night and hopefully come home tomorrow afternoon. They were able to remove everything except for some skin that tested positive for cancer. It could've required a skin graph to close it up, so she decided against taking all of it. Joe and I will speak with doctors next week. There is a chance they may want me to do some radiation on the skin and maybe some chemo (Herceptin). This is discouraging for me, but not to God!
Thank you so much for all the thoughts, prayers, food, cards, and kind words.
Monday, August 15, 2011
May This Journey Bring a Blessing
August 15, 2011
"Jesus, draw me ever nearer as I labor through the storm. You have called me to this passage, and I'll follow, though I'm worn.
(Chorus) May this journey bring a blessing, May I rise on wings of faith; And at the end of my heart's testing, with Your likeness let me wake.
Jesus, guide me through the tempest; keep my spirit staid and sure. When the midnight meets the morning, let me love you even more. (Chorus)
Let the treasures of the trial form within me as I go. And at the end of this long passage, let me leave them at Your throne."
"What line does my thought take? Does it turn to what God says or to what I fear?..."I will in no wise fail thee:-not for all my sin and selfishness and stubbornness and waywardness. Have I really let God say to me that He will never fail me? If I listened to this say-so of God's, then let me listen again...My say-so must be built on God's say-so. God says, "I will never leave thee" then I can with good courage say-"The Lord is my Helper, I will not fear". I will not be haunted by apprehension. This does not mean that I will not be tempted to fear, but I will remember God's say-so. I will be full of courage, like a child "bucking himself up" to reach the standard his father wants...The only way to get the dread taken out of us is to listen to God's say-so. What are you dreading? You are not a coward about it, you are going to face it, but there is a feeling of dread. When there is nothing and no one to help you, say-"But the Lord is my Helper, this second, in my present outlook." When we realize how feeble we are in facing difficulties, the difficulties become like giants, we become like grasshoppers, and God becomes a nonentity. Remember God's say-so-"I will in no wise fail you." Oswald Chambers
"Jesus, draw me ever nearer as I labor through the storm. You have called me to this passage, and I'll follow, though I'm worn.
(Chorus) May this journey bring a blessing, May I rise on wings of faith; And at the end of my heart's testing, with Your likeness let me wake.
Jesus, guide me through the tempest; keep my spirit staid and sure. When the midnight meets the morning, let me love you even more. (Chorus)
Let the treasures of the trial form within me as I go. And at the end of this long passage, let me leave them at Your throne."
"What line does my thought take? Does it turn to what God says or to what I fear?..."I will in no wise fail thee:-not for all my sin and selfishness and stubbornness and waywardness. Have I really let God say to me that He will never fail me? If I listened to this say-so of God's, then let me listen again...My say-so must be built on God's say-so. God says, "I will never leave thee" then I can with good courage say-"The Lord is my Helper, I will not fear". I will not be haunted by apprehension. This does not mean that I will not be tempted to fear, but I will remember God's say-so. I will be full of courage, like a child "bucking himself up" to reach the standard his father wants...The only way to get the dread taken out of us is to listen to God's say-so. What are you dreading? You are not a coward about it, you are going to face it, but there is a feeling of dread. When there is nothing and no one to help you, say-"But the Lord is my Helper, this second, in my present outlook." When we realize how feeble we are in facing difficulties, the difficulties become like giants, we become like grasshoppers, and God becomes a nonentity. Remember God's say-so-"I will in no wise fail you." Oswald Chambers
Friday, August 5, 2011
Overcoming Life
Journal Entry-August 5, 2011
"God does not give us overcoming life: He gives us life as we overcome. The strain is the strength. If there is no strain, there is no strength...God never gives strength for tomorrow, or for the next hour, but only for the strain of the minute." Oswald Chambers
I am praising the Lord today for giving me life as I overcome! I will have a mastectomy on Tuesday, August 16 with a delayed reconstruction surgery. I continue to be amazed at how the Lord answers prayers for wisdom and guidance. We felt led to get a second opinion with another plastic surgeon and I just stood back and watched as one thing after another confirmed that the Lord had already planned this road-I only had to walk down it! Dr. de Brux is very conservative concerning risk of infection. He is going to "sit in" with Dr. Rippon during my surgery on the 16th so he is involved with the process right from the start. The reconstruction surgery will follow approximately 3 months down the road. I am so thankful for faithful servants of God who are praying specific prayers with me. The Lord has truly answered in a clear and perfect way.
I will start work on Wednesday, August 10. I will have a "Meet the Teacher" on Thursday and Parent Conference Meetings on Friday and possibly Monday. Then I will have my surgery and trust my new little friends to my wonderful assistant, Phyllis and great substitutes!! Thanks for your continued prayers as I prepare my classroom and fill out the necessary paperwork for my absence.
"God does not give us overcoming life: He gives us life as we overcome. The strain is the strength. If there is no strain, there is no strength...God never gives strength for tomorrow, or for the next hour, but only for the strain of the minute." Oswald Chambers
I am praising the Lord today for giving me life as I overcome! I will have a mastectomy on Tuesday, August 16 with a delayed reconstruction surgery. I continue to be amazed at how the Lord answers prayers for wisdom and guidance. We felt led to get a second opinion with another plastic surgeon and I just stood back and watched as one thing after another confirmed that the Lord had already planned this road-I only had to walk down it! Dr. de Brux is very conservative concerning risk of infection. He is going to "sit in" with Dr. Rippon during my surgery on the 16th so he is involved with the process right from the start. The reconstruction surgery will follow approximately 3 months down the road. I am so thankful for faithful servants of God who are praying specific prayers with me. The Lord has truly answered in a clear and perfect way.
I will start work on Wednesday, August 10. I will have a "Meet the Teacher" on Thursday and Parent Conference Meetings on Friday and possibly Monday. Then I will have my surgery and trust my new little friends to my wonderful assistant, Phyllis and great substitutes!! Thanks for your continued prayers as I prepare my classroom and fill out the necessary paperwork for my absence.
Friday, July 29, 2011
"We are Well Able to Overcome"
"Let us go up at once and take possession, for we are well able to overcome it." Numbers 12:30
As I studied my lesson for our Preschool Church class on Sunday, I was encouraged by these verses from Numbers. This is the well-known account of Joshua, Caleb, and the 10 spies that went into the Promised Land. Only Joshua and Caleb said that they were well able to overcome the negative things they saw, and the 10 spies doubted and said, "We are not able to go up against the people, for they are stronger than we." (Numbers 13:31) Caleb and Joshua were rewarded for their faith by being the only ones from that generation to live in the Promised Land. The others who doubted wandered in the desert for 40 years and never stepped a foot on the Promised Land. What a lesson for us to trust our strong and mighty God for with Him "we are well able to overcome"!
The results of my PET scan showed NO sign of metastatic cancer, which means the cancer is only in the tumor sights originally found on the MRI. It has not spread anywhere else. It is a wonderful praise! I still won't know what course of action the doctors want to take until early next week, but this is a wonderful blessing to hear before the weekend! Thanks so much for all of you that are praying and believing with me for God's complete healing!
As I studied my lesson for our Preschool Church class on Sunday, I was encouraged by these verses from Numbers. This is the well-known account of Joshua, Caleb, and the 10 spies that went into the Promised Land. Only Joshua and Caleb said that they were well able to overcome the negative things they saw, and the 10 spies doubted and said, "We are not able to go up against the people, for they are stronger than we." (Numbers 13:31) Caleb and Joshua were rewarded for their faith by being the only ones from that generation to live in the Promised Land. The others who doubted wandered in the desert for 40 years and never stepped a foot on the Promised Land. What a lesson for us to trust our strong and mighty God for with Him "we are well able to overcome"!
The results of my PET scan showed NO sign of metastatic cancer, which means the cancer is only in the tumor sights originally found on the MRI. It has not spread anywhere else. It is a wonderful praise! I still won't know what course of action the doctors want to take until early next week, but this is a wonderful blessing to hear before the weekend! Thanks so much for all of you that are praying and believing with me for God's complete healing!
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
"This is the way, walk in it"
"And though the Lord give you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, yet your teacher will not hide himself any more, but your eyes shall see your teacher. And your ears shall hear a word behind you saying, "This is the way, walk in it" when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left." Isaiah 30:20-21
Dr. Rippon and Dr. Go want to have a whole body PET scan done before they make any decisions. My previous scan in October of last year showed no abnormalities, so they don't expect to find anything now. They only do them on Thursdays, so I am scheduled for next Thursday, July 28. I probably won't have the results until I meet with Dr. Rippon on Tuesday, Aug. 2. Surgery is the next step, but it has to wait on this report. I was hoping to have this matter settled before school begins, but it appears it will be cutting it close or not happen at all. My sick leave days are limited and the beginning of the year is the worst part to miss when working with 4 year olds and their parents, but the Lord knows this, too.
Please pray that the decisions made will be from the Lord and He will give us wisdom. "Your ears shall hear a word behind you saying, "This is the way, walk in it." If you notice it says "behind you". That means you have to walk out on faith! Thanks for your encouragement and prayers as we walk out on faith the next few weeks.
Dr. Rippon and Dr. Go want to have a whole body PET scan done before they make any decisions. My previous scan in October of last year showed no abnormalities, so they don't expect to find anything now. They only do them on Thursdays, so I am scheduled for next Thursday, July 28. I probably won't have the results until I meet with Dr. Rippon on Tuesday, Aug. 2. Surgery is the next step, but it has to wait on this report. I was hoping to have this matter settled before school begins, but it appears it will be cutting it close or not happen at all. My sick leave days are limited and the beginning of the year is the worst part to miss when working with 4 year olds and their parents, but the Lord knows this, too.
Please pray that the decisions made will be from the Lord and He will give us wisdom. "Your ears shall hear a word behind you saying, "This is the way, walk in it." If you notice it says "behind you". That means you have to walk out on faith! Thanks for your encouragement and prayers as we walk out on faith the next few weeks.
Saturday, July 16, 2011
Ask, Seek, Knock
"Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened...how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!" Matthew 7:7-8, 11b
(In this passage)"Jesus is laying down the rules of conduct for those who have His Spirit, and it works on this principle-God is my Father, He loves me, I shall never think of anything He will forget, why should I worry? There are times, says Jesus, when God cannot lift the darkness from you, but trust Him. God will appear like an unkind friend, but He is not; he will appear like an unnatural Father, but He is not; he will appear like an unjust judge, but He is not. Keep the notion of the mind of God behind all things strong and growing. Nothing happens in any particular unless God's will is behind it, therefore you can rest in perfect confidence in Him."
Oswald Chambers
My lab results showed several areas of invasive ductile breast carcinoma. Preliminary results show it to be of intermediate grade, which is a step down from the aggressive carcinoma that was diagnosed in January 2009. My "timber" markers (cancer indicators) are at 14.3. They were stable at 11.7 in March of this year. At its highest, my markers were at 19.8 in March of 2009. So it seems that this if fairly new or it would have shown up in my blood work in March. We are leaving for James Island on Monday. I will also speak with doctors on Monday and try to determine a course of action. Thanks for all of your thoughts and prayers!
(In this passage)"Jesus is laying down the rules of conduct for those who have His Spirit, and it works on this principle-God is my Father, He loves me, I shall never think of anything He will forget, why should I worry? There are times, says Jesus, when God cannot lift the darkness from you, but trust Him. God will appear like an unkind friend, but He is not; he will appear like an unnatural Father, but He is not; he will appear like an unjust judge, but He is not. Keep the notion of the mind of God behind all things strong and growing. Nothing happens in any particular unless God's will is behind it, therefore you can rest in perfect confidence in Him."
Oswald Chambers
My lab results showed several areas of invasive ductile breast carcinoma. Preliminary results show it to be of intermediate grade, which is a step down from the aggressive carcinoma that was diagnosed in January 2009. My "timber" markers (cancer indicators) are at 14.3. They were stable at 11.7 in March of this year. At its highest, my markers were at 19.8 in March of 2009. So it seems that this if fairly new or it would have shown up in my blood work in March. We are leaving for James Island on Monday. I will also speak with doctors on Monday and try to determine a course of action. Thanks for all of your thoughts and prayers!
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
God First
Journal Entry-July 13, 2011
"It must be God first, God second, and God third, until the life is faced steadily with God and no one else is of any account." Oswald Chambers
How quickly alarming health news draws us back to where we should've been all the time. It's so easy to depend on ourselves until something reveals us to be vulnerable. I must keep "God first".
My MRI on Monday showed areas of concern so I will be having a needle biopsy tomorrow at 8:00. I may know results on Friday but it may be next week. We are leaving for Charleston on Monday and looking forward to a great vacation!!! Thanks for your prayers!
"It must be God first, God second, and God third, until the life is faced steadily with God and no one else is of any account." Oswald Chambers
How quickly alarming health news draws us back to where we should've been all the time. It's so easy to depend on ourselves until something reveals us to be vulnerable. I must keep "God first".
My MRI on Monday showed areas of concern so I will be having a needle biopsy tomorrow at 8:00. I may know results on Friday but it may be next week. We are leaving for Charleston on Monday and looking forward to a great vacation!!! Thanks for your prayers!
Monday, January 10, 2011
The Road Less Traveled
Journal Entry-January 10, 2011
"Let's take the road less traveled" was what Joe said as we ventured into the 8 inches of snow that covered the world today! It is a family tradition to "see what the Land Cruiser can do" whenever it snows, and today was no exception! It is so exciting for the kids to see the most snow they've ever seen while they are still here at home with us!
I can't believe it has been October since I posted on my blog! After the fifth person mentioned that I hadn't posted in awhile, I figured it was time to post!
I have been feeling well, just fatigued. Some of which may be related to sinus problems. The CT scan of my face showed an obstruction in the left maxillary sinus. I had an appointment today to see what my options would be, but it was cancelled due to snow. They said I'll be seen before the end of the week.
Until then, I will enjoy the time off and the extra sleep!
"Let's take the road less traveled" was what Joe said as we ventured into the 8 inches of snow that covered the world today! It is a family tradition to "see what the Land Cruiser can do" whenever it snows, and today was no exception! It is so exciting for the kids to see the most snow they've ever seen while they are still here at home with us!
I can't believe it has been October since I posted on my blog! After the fifth person mentioned that I hadn't posted in awhile, I figured it was time to post!
I have been feeling well, just fatigued. Some of which may be related to sinus problems. The CT scan of my face showed an obstruction in the left maxillary sinus. I had an appointment today to see what my options would be, but it was cancelled due to snow. They said I'll be seen before the end of the week.
Until then, I will enjoy the time off and the extra sleep!
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