Hinds' Feet on High Places

September 7, 2011

I have recently begun to reread "Hinds' Feet on High Places" by Hannah Hurnard. It is a wonderful allegory of God's Love for us as he leads us to the "High Places". Here is one excerpt that especially fit my circumstances this week"

"Shepherd", she said despairingly, "I can't understand this. The guides you sent me (Sorrow and Suffering) say that we must go down there into that desert, turning right away from the High Places altogether. You don't mean that, do you? You can't contradict yourself. Tell them we are not to go there, and show us another way. Make a way for us Shepherd, as you promised."
He looked at her and answered very gently, "This is the path, Much-Afraid, and you are to go down there."
"Oh, no," she cried. "You can't mean it. You said if I would trust you, you would bring me to the High Places, and that path leads right away from them. It contradicts all that you promised."
"No," said the Shepherd, 'it is not a contradiction, only postponement for the best to become possible."
Much-Afraid felt as though he has stabbed her in the heart. "You mean," she said incredulously, "you really mean that I am to follow that path down and down into that wilderness and then over to that desert, away from the mountains indefinitely? Why" (and there was a sob of anguish in her voice) "it may be months, even years, before that path leads back to the mountains again. O Shepherd, do you mean it is indefinite postponement?"
He bowed his head silently, and Much-Afraid sank on her knees at his feet, almost overwhelmed. He was leading her away from her heart's desire altogether and gave no promise at all as to when he would bring her back. As she looked out over what seemed like an endless desert, the only path she could see led farther and farther away from the High Places, and it was all desert.
Then he answered very quietly, "Much-Afraid, do you love me enough to accept the postponement and the apparent contradiction of the promise, and to go down there with me into the desert?"
She was still crouching at his feet, sobbing as if her heart would break, but now she looked up through her tears, caught his hand in hers, and said, trembling, "I do love you; you know that I love you. Oh, forgive me because I can't help my tears. I will go down with you into the wilderness, right away from the promise, if you really wish it. Even if you cannot tell me why it has to be, I will go with you, for you know I do love you, and you have the right to choose for me anything that you please."...
They reached the desert surprisingly quickly, because, although the path was very steep indeed, Much-Afraid was leaning on the Shepherd, and did not feel her weakness of all...
"Much-Afraid," he said, "all of my servants on their way to the High Places have had to make this detour through the desert. It is called "The furnace of Egypt, and an horror of great darkness" (Gen. 15:12.17) Here they have learned many things which otherwise they would have known nothing about...
"Fear not, Much-Afraid, to go down into Egypt; for I will there make of thee a great nation; I will go down with thee into Egypt; and I will also surely bring thee up again" (Gen. 46:3)...
The Shepherd said, "In Egypt, too, I fashion my fairest and finest vessels and bring forth instruments for my work, according as I see fit" (Jer. 18). Then he smiled and added, "Cannot I do with you, Much-Afraid, as this potter? Behold, as the clay is in the hand of the potter so are you in my hand" (Jer. 18:6)...
On the last morning she was walking...when in a lonely corner behind a wall she came upon a little golden-yellow flower, growing all alone...An old pipe was connected to a water tank. In the pipe was one tiny hole through which came an occasional drop of water. Where the drops fell one by one, there grew the little golden flower...She stopped over the lonely, lovely little golden face, lifted up so hopefully and so bravely to the feeble drip, and cried softly, "What is your name, little flower, for I never saw one like you before."
The tiny plant answered at once in a tone as golden as itself, "Behold me! My name is Acceptance-With-Joy."
Much-Afraid thought of the things which she had seen in the pyramid: the threshing-floor, and the whirring wheel and the fiery furnace. Somehow the answer of the little golden flower which grew all alone in the waste of the desert stole into her heart and echoed there faintly but sweetly, filling her with comfort. She said to herself, "He has brought me here when I did not want to come for his own purpose. I, too, will look up into his face and say, "Behold me! I am thy little handmaiden Acceptance with Joy."

I was able to go to church on Sunday. The message from Luke 8 was concerning faith: desperate, imperfect, and tried. Here is the link for the message: http://www.hamptonpark.org/blog/33-sunday-meetings/292-so-feeble-a-faith-so-great-a-savior
I began Tuesday with desperate faith. I fasted and waited to hear if the Lord would answer my prayer and allow my appointments to be changed so that I could get my port placed and begin my chemotherapy on Thursday as I had planned. After many phone calls, the end result was port placement on Thursday, chemo on Friday, and fluids on Saturday. I prayed that God would honor my desperate faith and on the surface, from a worldly standpoint, I felt He had not. I was little “Much-Afraid” seeing the desert before her and not understanding the postponing of a promise.
My faith needed to be tried. According to my limited understanding, I could see only one answer to that prayer: my answer. I had imperfect faith and God had to speak those same words to me as he did the bleeding woman, “Daughter, your faith has made you well.” Having my chemotherapy one or two days earlier is not what will heal me. It is my desperate, imperfect, and tried faith in a Sovereign God who never fails.